


(un)tied with my lips

by akashikisaragi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, i like making kageyama sad, it's sort of sad, kuroo likes chocolate, some tags might be misleading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:17:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2107797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akashikisaragi/pseuds/akashikisaragi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's a wish bracelet, Kageyama. You have to make a wish as you tie the knot! Your wish comes true when the bracelet falls off by itself. Cool, right? But, Kageyama, remember - if you untie the bracelet yourself, or you cut it off...your wish is gone. It flies away in the wind, and it's as good as saying that you've given up on what you wanted."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. since then i've always been a liar

**Author's Note:**

> i've always been fascinated by the fact that in japan, you have these things called 'misangas' and they're wish bracelets. like hinata explains, if it falls off naturally, your wish is granted, but if you untie it or cut it yourself , your wish is gone. i got the idea from a song, blue bookmark. i think wish bracelets are cool, and haikyuu is also cool, so haikyuu + wish bracelet = kagehina. that is definitely not how you do math but still
> 
> my tumblr is nekomajousai if you want to talk about kagehina or anything really just come say hi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "was that a lie?"  
> "no, no, it's the truth!"
> 
> \- Yobanashi Deceive, Kagerou Project

Kageyama slammed his locker door shut harshly, not even cringing at the sound. All around him, girls winced as the loud sound hurt their ears. After two years of hearing 'that angsty emo kid' take out his anger on his locker door, the students of Karasuno High still weren't used to it. Every morning, without fail, after taking out his books Kageyama would slam his locker door shut and make his way to his first lesson.

He wasn't exactly popular. Not that he minded. Girls were scared of him. Boys ignored him.

  
Well, all but one boy.

  
"Kageyama!"

  
Kageyama didn't even have to turn around to know that a burst of sunlight would soon smack into his back. He felt a nose press hard on the back of his neck and sighed, knowing what was soon to come.

  
"Hinata. Don't run up to me like that, it's weird."

  
Hinata ran around to Kageyama's front and grinned, his smile unnaturally wide. "It's not weird, Kageyama! Why would you say that? I think you're cool."

  
Kageyama quickly began walking to his first lesson, his bag bumping his hip. A blush was working its way up his neck and he could feel the heat all over his body. Students were watching as Hinata ran up behind him, pouting.

  
"Kageyama! Don't be so tsundere. C'mon, we both have Geography together anyway!"

  
"Then we walk separately. It's no excuse for you to be hanging off of me."

  
Hinata just nodded rapidly and strolled alongside Kageyama. Their schoolbags collided every so often, and Kageyama felt the textbooks in his bag slide over another, pens rattling at the bottom. Even after being scolded, Hinata hadn't lost any of his usual bounce. Rather, he seemed to have bounced back twice as hard, and that was how Kageyama found himself with a pounding headache halfway through his first lesson.

  
He was in love with Hinata Shouyou.

 

* * *

 

Ever since he was six years old, his heart was in Hinata's hands. Hinata's family were new to the neighbourhood, and so he hadn't made any friends yet. He was a shy but adorable little boy with a shock of bright orange hair. Kageyama had been sitting on the swings in the playground, his feet dragging slowly along the uneven ground, when all of a sudden, he could feel someone standing behind him.

  
"Can I swing with you?"

  
Kageyama, seven years old and still somehow angry at the world, grunted without turning around. Hinata's face lit up and he perched on the swing next to Kageyama, kicking his legs out happily. Kageyama caught a burst of sunshine out of the corner of his eye and turned to see an angel next to him. A halo of bright hair in the sunlight. The biggest smile on the earth. A worn white t-shirt with a picture of a volleyball on it. That was the first glimpse he had of Hinata Shouyou.

  
Kageyama's mother had approached them both, and before Kageyama knew it, Hinata was visiting his house. They were always together. In Kageyama's garden, watching dragonflies skim the surface of his koi pond. At Hinata's dining table, sucking on popsicles and laughing as their tongues changed colour. Furiously scribbling notes in middle school.

  
Kageyama's head was full of nothing but the boy he loved.

  
But one memory would always stick in his mind - of Hinata, the day Kageyama turned thirteen. Hinata had presented him with a thin wristband of braided blue string.  
"It's a wish bracelet, Kageyama. You have to make a wish as you tie the knot! Your wish comes true when the bracelet falls off by itself. Cool, right?"

  
Kageyama had just looked at the little stars in Hinata's eyes and resisted the urge to kiss him. To grace every visible spot of Hinata's skin with kisses as gentle as dragonfly wings, to show him that the world was a kaleidescope of colours just waiting to be discovered. Kageyama's canvas had been blank for as long as he could remember, but now, just by being with Hinata - he knew that soon, his world would be in colour.

  
Hinata's voice was strained, far away, now.

  
"But Kageyama, remember...if you untie the bracelet yourself, or you cut it off...your wish is gone. It flies away in the wind, and it's as good as saying that you've given up on what you wanted."

  
Hinata had looped the material loosely around his wrist and let Kageyama tie it so he could make his wish. As Kageyama gripped one end in his fingers and one between his teeth, tightening the bracelet, there was only one thing that he wanted.

  
 _I want Hinata Shouyou to love me as much as I love him_.

 

* * *

  
Geography was the same as always. Hinata loudly calling out answers to the teacher's questions, the other students laughing at Hinata's antics, and Kageyama's pen scrawling out lines of neat, colour-coded notes. By the end of the lesson, Kageyama had made notes for the entire chapter, although they looked better than they actually were. Looking over at Hinata's notebook, Kageyama was met with blank paper.

  
"What the hell have you been doing for the past hour?" Kageyama felt a massive headache coming on.

  
Hinata, who had been sucking on the straw in his milk carton, met Kageyama's gaze with a bright smile. "I don't need to take notes, silly. It doesn't help me in any way, so I don't do it."

  
"But then how are you going to pass the end of chapter test?"

  
Hinata shrugged. "Just worry about yourself, Kageyama. You've always looked out for me too much."

  
Those absent-minded words hit something deep in Kageyama's chest. Does Hinata suspect him? He didn't think that he made his feelings that obvious. He'd always tried to push Hinata away, but that idiot always came closer each time. The last thing he needed was for Hinata to find out that he was gay and freak him out.

  
Kageyama cleared his throat and hit Hinata on the head with a textbook.

  
"Idiot. Don't say things like that. I just look out for you because you're dumb."

  
"You flatter me," Hinata grinned, the straw between his teeth as he aimed a fatal wink at Kageyama.

  
Kageyama's heart swelled.

 

* * *

  
For lunch, Kageyama had brought a container of rice and mackerel with little broccoli florets. Hinata had brought three meat buns. They both sat on a table in the most isolated corner of the cafeteria, away from the loud, raucous conversation. Kageyama combined the mackerel with his rice and caught a clump between his chopsticks. The food was halfway to his mouth when Hinata jumped onto his lap, startling him. Rice flew across the tabletop as Kageyama shouted.

  
Hinata's head was on his chest, both legs draped across Kageyama's lap. His arms were around Kageyama's neck, squeezing tightly. Kageyama was sure that his face was red.

  
"G-get off me, you idiot!"

  
"Never," Hinata sang, throwing his head back and laughing as he kicked his legs. "Your lap is warm, Kageyama. You're so comfortable."

  
Kageyama's headache pounded just behind his left eyebrow, and his eye was developing an irritating twitch. He placed his hands on Hinata's waist and wanted nothing more than to keep them there, feeling the warmth through two layers of clothing. But Kageyama's self-control won, and so Hinata found himself sprawled on the floor with his legs in the air.

  
He righted himself immediately, and began to wail.

  
" _Kageyama_!"

  
Kageyama continued eating.

  
"Man, you're so cold! _Kageyama_!"

  
"I can't hear you."

  
Hinata looked unamused. "You obviously can to just reply like that."

  
"I was trained in the ancient art of ignoring dumbasses."

  
"Rude!"

  
Kageyama's smile was small around his chopsticks. With an exaggerated sigh, Kageyama patted the seat next to him and said, "There's a vacancy for an annoying young orange-haired dumbass on this bench. Are you up for it?"

  
Hinata dusted off his uniform pants and sat next to Kageyama, his smile worth a thousand shots of colour. "Sure! I mean, my last partner, he was an idiot. I think I can take you on."

  
Their playful smiles and frequent sidelong glances continued until both their lunches were finished, and then Hinata grabbed Kageyama's hand and led him out of the cafeteria, their palms pressed together.

 

* * *

  
Lately, Kageyama had been sitting alone for lunch. He didn't want to admit it to himself but there was just something reassuring about Hinata's constant presence at his elbow, the nose pressing into his neck, the tiny paper aeroplanes that would hit the back of his head in Geography. 

  
Nowadays, Hinata was distracted by something, and Kageyama wanted to know what it was.

  
With the summer approaching, everyone was studying for the exams that would soon arrive. Kageyama was sitting ten exams, while Hinata was taking twelve, and yet Hinata never seemed to be studying. Perhaps he was thinking about his grades all the time. It would make sense.

  
"Ah, sorry, Kageyama, I can't make it today! Go on and eat without me!"

  
Hinata set off down the hallway, backpack bouncing between his shoulder blades, springy hair flopping around. Kageyama watched him go and sighed, placing a hand in his bag to take out his lunch. But all he was met with was a handful of pens, gum wrappers and coins. Head hanging, Kageyama realised that he must have forgotten his lunch at home, what with worrying about Hinata.

  
Kageyama tossed into the air and caught them as he walked to the vending machine. It was located outside, so Kageyama figured that he had a long enough walk to think about Hinata.

  
 _What was he thinking?_

  
_Doesn't he like me anymore?_

  
_Is he avoiding me?_

  
_Should I really care as much as I do?_

  
They had been friends for so long. They were now seventeen and their bond was still there, wasn't it? Hinata couldn't just want him gone, not after all those summers spent together. Did Hinata find out that Kageyama was in love with him? That could be the only answer. Hinata was straight, found out that his best friend was gay and crushing on him, and cleared off. Maybe all those little touches and hugs and winks meant nothing to Hinata, because flirting was second nature to him, and Kageyama was an idiot for thinking that those years of friendship had brought them ever closer, had changed Hinata's view of him.

  
When you get down to it, years are nothing but numbers to be counted down.

  
Kageyama exited the doors and found himself near the school gym, where the vending machines were located. He placed three coins into the slot at the top and automatically pressed the button for two cartons, forgetting that Hinata wasn't there. Kageyama sighed, leaning against the machine, watching the clouds and wondering where he went wrong.

  
"Tsuki-hah, you're so weird!"

  
Kageyama's eyes widened.

  
That was Hinata's voice.

  
There were a few more sounds, and what sounded like loud gasping and scuffling. Kageyama slowly sidled along the wall, and looked past the corner to the isolated side of the gym.

  
His heart began beating erratically, thumping out the beat of denial.

  
Hinata was leaning up against the wall of the gym, his hair even messier than usual. His eyes were half-lidded, and they kept on sliding closed. His cheeks were flushed a bright red, and his uniform jacket was half off of his shoulder. In front of him stood a tall blond boy with headphones around his neck. His hair was also messy, and his uniform jacket was already off and lying on the ground with the dust. Their schoolbags were thrown to the side and forgotten.

  
Kageyama felt something inside him burn as the blond boy placed his forearms against the side of the gym and leaned down to kiss Hinata right on the mouth. Hinata's hands came up around the boy's neck, his fingers tangling in the short blond hair. When those pale fingers tugged on his hair, the blond boy threw his head back and groaned, leaving Hinata to kiss along his throat and neck.

  
"H-Hinata," the boy muttered, grabbing Hinata's shirt. "I love you."

  
Hinata smiled a smile that should have been for Kageyama's eyes only and got up on his tiptoes to throw his arms around the other boy's neck. "I love you too, Tsukishima."  
Tsukishima held Hinata up by his thighs until Hinata's legs were comfortably wrapped around his waist, and then they kissed some more. Hinata pulled Tsukishima's tie off and threw it aside, fingers rapidly working the buttons until he could push the shirt down his shoulders a little. Kageyama saw Tsukishima's flawless muscled back and felt jealousy take him over.

  
The speed with which Hinata undid Tsukishima's buttons filled his head with one thought. _They've done this before, holy shit they've done this before, they've done this before._

  
" _Shouyou_." Tsukishima grunted, mouth laying kisses across Hinata's collarbones. "Shouyou, you're so beautiful."

  
Hinata was leaning back in utter bliss, his arms loose around Tsukishima's neck. But when he heard his name fall from Tsukishima's lips, he threw himself forward and hugged the other boy, kissing him all over his face.

  
"Kei, you're my everything."

  
First names. They were using each others' first names. How long had this been going on for? Kageyama had known Hinata for almost eleven years, and even he didn't call Hinata by his first name. How dare this guy think that he was good enough to say Hinata's first name as gently as he did? Why did he make Hinata's name sound like a prayer when Hinata was everything to Kageyama?

  
Hinata placed a careful, single kiss under Tsukishima's ear, and Kageyama watched as they both laughed.

  
The universe had made cruel joke, and Kageyama supposed that this was the punchline.

  
He ran away as fast as he could, dropping his juice cartons, and tried to ignore the feeling of his heart thumping its way out of his chest. His eyes burned with tears, his cheeks felt hot and wet. Every single tear he shed held only a microscopic amount of the love he held for Hinata, and nobody would ever understand that. His wish bracelet burned his skin under the material of his uniform jacket, and Kageyama felt sick. He stumbled as he ran through the gate, seeing nothing but betrayal and pain and wasted years and lonely nights and the back and shoulders of the guy who had everything that Kageyama wanted.

  
Guttural sobs wound up in his throat, his heart protesting, tears trying in vain to flood out everything he was feeling. Tears were stupid, and so was he. He'd been wrong, Hinata was gay, but that still didn't change a thing. Kageyama never stood a chance.

  
He'd lost.

  
After a while, the sobs stopped. Kageyama looked around, wiping the still falling tears from his eyes, and saw unfamiliar roads and buildings. He didn't know where he was, and that was fitting - he'd always been lost, on a winding road with no destination.

  
Falling to his knees, he yanked up the sleeve of his jacket and saw the wish bracelet that had been a present from Hinata. The same blue as his eyes, the blue of the ocean and the blue of the sky, all woven together to hold his wish. Kageyama took one end of the wish bracelet in his teeth and grabbed the other end, tears blurring his vision. Tugging both ends as hard as he could, Kageyama felt himself fall apart inside.

  
 _This wish was never meant to be granted. Hinata was never meant to be mine. This wish was a fucking stupid waste of effort and time, and we both knew it. I knew it, but still I held on to my fantasy that Hinata would love me and only me. Hinata knew it, and yet he still played around with me, those touches that left me wanting more each time. For some reason, I believed that all those years meant something._

The wish bracelet fell into Kageyama's lap.


	2. this cold place where i am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was shocked and still waiting  
> for sadness so strong that I could laugh  
> I was shocked and still waiting  
> for happiness so great i could cry
> 
> \- Goya no Machiawase, Hello Sleepwalkers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is! some people asked me about a second chapter and i actually had fun writing the first, so why not. this chapter might not be as good as the first but i tried to please you guys so i hope it worked. there is also a short prologue after this. about this chapter, it's very fast-paced and sort of rushed, heads up.

Kageyama didn't sleep that night.

  
Several doors away, he could hear the gentle snores of his parents as they slept, happily, knowing that the person they loved was right beside them. Kageyama's bed was cold and empty, his heart not yet big enough to fill the void that threatened to engulf him. Humans grew stronger with love, and Kageyama couldn't say that he was satisfied with his life until love had him in its embrace.

  
In the darkness, Kageyama's fingers gently touched the space where his wish bracelet had been. For the past four years, he had woken up every morning and ran his fingertips over the braided material, feeling the parts where the string had grown thinner with age. Still, the wish bracelet had shown no sign of breaking. Was God just going to make him believe that his wish would be granted, dragging out the years until he lost himself in the loneliness?

  
Kageyama bit back a sob as he thought of Hinata, the love of his life, with his fingers tugging on the hair of another boy. He pressed his face into the cold material of his pillow, feeling his tears stick the fabric to his skin. His body shook silently as he jammed a fist into his mouth, teeth biting down hard on the skin. Kageyama wouldn't let himself cry. He couldn't.

  
Love makes you weaker, just as it makes you stronger. They say it could help you up, but it could also play its hand in knocking you down. Kageyama's mother had stroked his hair many a time at the dining table, promising her son that when love found him, it would be beautiful. Kageyama would nod and smile brightly, thinking of his friend a few streets down, and his popsicle-stained, sticky hands.

  
Kageyama sat up and sighed bitterly, rubbing his tears away with the back of his hand. Moonlight crept in through a crack in the curtains, allowing Kageyama to look around the room. Half of the things there were Hinata's. Hinata's hoodie, Hinata's textbooks from their study sessions, Hinata's pencils, Hinata's spare sneakers...they were always a duo, always Hinata and Kageyama. But Kageyama had been so preoccupied with his pursuit of love that he hadn't noticed Hinata slipping away from him.

  
Now was as good a time as any to get over his stupidity.

  
Kageyama pulled on some shoes, tying his laces sloppily. Tiptoeing down the hallway, Kageyama listened out carefully for hitches in his parents' breathing. When their breaths remained even, he slid down the banister and landed on the balls of his feet. Unlocking the front door, he pushed himself out into the night.

  
The air was the right side of cool against his skin. Not cold enough to make his hair stand on end, but warm enough to set Kageyama at ease. The moon lit the front path leading up to his house and Kageyama ran, timing his breaths with every touch his right foot delivered to the ground. He was alone, like always, his heart making poor company for the thoughts that invaded his mind.

  
He had come home from school just after the sunset, with ruffled hair and tear-stained cheeks. His uniform jacket was covered in specks of dirt, as were his shoes. Kageyama's eyes were wide open, scared, and he felt seven years old all over again.

  
Kageyama shook his head, screwing his eyes shut as he ran, forbidding himself to think. Whenever he had a thought, it wasn't a rational one - they mainly involved beating up Tsukishima, kissing Hinata regardless of his relationship status, and breaking everything in sight.

  
 _No. No. I'm not that kind of guy, I won't hurt others, I won't hurt others, I won't-_

  
"You look like you're thinking real hard about something." A deep, bored voice drawled.

  
Kageyama's eyes flew open in surprise, tripping over his feet, feeling himself fall forward. A hand wrapped around his right bicep, pulling hard to set him back on his feet again. Kageyama straightened his t-shirt and stuck his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. He looked down at his feet, and thanked the stranger.

  
"Thank you."

  
The stranger laughed shortly. "Don't thank me. I think it's vital for the development of society if smart people help the idiots. I'm a smart person. Obviously. Guess which side you fall on?"

  
Kageyama furrowed his brows and raised his head. "That was uncalled for, you b-"

  
 _No._

  
A head of blond wavy hair. Dull golden-brown eyes behind black plastic-rimmed glasses. A know-it-all smirk that Kageyama wanted to punch off. He was even taller up close, definitely over six feet. Dressed in jeans, a blue t-shirt and black leather jacket, with a pair of blackheadphones around his neck.

  
Tsukishima.

  
Tsukishima tilted his head to the side and yawned. "Are you mute or something, Kageyama? The way Hinata talks about you, you sound like a riot. But all I see in front of me is a blank slate. There's nothing about you that makes you original, am I right? Every bright idea you ever had, it stemmed from Hinata. But, of course, that's just a guess. I could be wrong. But I don't think I am."

  
"You know my name? And, H- Hinata's talked about me?" Kageyama asked, feeling hopeful.

Tsukishima looked at him for a few seconds, and then a slow smile tugged at his lips. He laughed shortly and stepped back a few steps, never breaking eye contact with Kageyama.

  
"I can see the hope in your eyes. And quite frankly, it's making me feel sick."

  
His words felt like a punch to Kageyama's gut. He might have worn his heart on his sleeve, but he didn't think that he displayed his feelings for all to see. Kageyama cursed inwardly, standing up to his full height.

  
"I don't know what you're talking about."

  
 _Denial? I'm meant to fight. This guy is the one who took Hinata from me. I need to hurt him._

  
"Uh? Hello?" Tsukishima snapped his fingers in front of Kageyama's face, snapping his train of thought. "I'm worthy of your full attention, king. So pay attention to me." His eyes glowed with malice, and he stepped ever closer to Kageyama, looking down at him. "Hinata always talks about you, and it makes me mad. I was going to confront you sooner or later to see what there is that makes you special, but would you look at that. I see nothing." Tsukishima bared his teeth. "Thank you, fate, for bringing this idiot to me earlier than expected. Express delivery, I guess."

  
Fingers grabbed Kageyama's collar and tugged him against Tsukishima's chest. Kageyama gasped and elbowed Tsukishima in the stomach, but it was no use. The guy was as strong as he was tall, all wiry muscles and lean flesh. Kageyama brought back a fist to punch Tsukishima in the face, but it was easily blocked.

  
"This is the mouth that kisses the boy you love." Tsukishima's lips brushed his ear.

  
"Over here." His mouth pressed hot kisses over Kageyama's collarbones.

  
"Here." Under his ear, on the delicate skin.

  
"Mmm. We can't forget here, now can we?" His cheeks, his eyelids.

  
"Delicious." Lips on his forehead, brushing back his hair.

  
"And of course, here." Tsukishima's mouth clashed against his with all force and no love, rough and unforgiving. His teeth bit down on Kageyama's bottom lip, while the latter fought with all he had to escape Tsukishima's grip. After a few seconds of Tsukishima's tongue brushing against his lips, he was finally let go. Kageyama fell backwards and tried to regain his breath, his heart thumping.

  
Tsukshima was standing with his hands in his pockets, making noises of satisfaction.

  
"Mmm. Well, now I see the sight that Hinata saw in you. You're quite cute."

  
"You fucking _weirdo_!" Kageyama hissed, springing back up onto his feet. "You're dating my best friend! My _best friend_! And you put your fucking filthy mouth on me. I'll tell Hinata, you bastard-"

  
"-and Hinata will believe you?" Tsukishima raised his glasses. "He won't. In fact, I'm surprised that he even told you about our relationship. He said he wouldn't, all this stuff about 'hurting Kageyama' 'he's my best friend, I don't want to lose him' and all that friendship bullshit."

  
Kageyama snarled. "Well, maybe he didn't tell me. But that changes nothing."

  
"Now I'm interested." Tsukishima smirked. "How did you find out, then? You're not that smart."

  
"I saw you both earlier today," Kageyama clenched his fists and bit down as hard as he could on the side of his cheek. "I saw you both, and I hated it, _I hated it, I hated it_. I've loved him for years, you piece of shit, and then you just go and steal him away from right under my nose! I hate you, you bastard!"

  
Tsukishima sighed. "This is all so tricky, isn't it? Luckily, I'm good at puzzles. Hinata didn't want to tell you about his sexuality because he feared that it would scare you off. You didn't want to confess to Hinata because you thought that once he learned of your sexuality, he would run off. But the boy you love is gay after all, just not for you." Tsukishima smiled brightly at him. "You unlucky fucker."

  
"Stop it." Kageyama whispered. He could feel the tears build up in the corners of his eyes, threatening to tear him to pieces. "I already know that I'm unlucky. I don't need you to tell me that."

  
"I feel bad for you." Tsukishima's voice was soft.

  
"Don't," Kageyama shouted, his voice loud in the empty street. "I don't need you to feel bad for me. Just seeing you guys today killed me. It killed me, and I hate you both for what you did." Kageyama's shoulders shook, fists trembling.

  
"We've been going out since the beginning of the school year, you know. I'm so surprised that it took you seven months to find out. You wouldn't win any prizes for your detective skills, I'm afraid."

  
"S-seven months?" Kageyama spluttered. "What?"

  
Tsukishima nodded smugly. "Seven months of my mouth all over Hinata. Sounds about right."

  
"Shut up!" Kageyama barked, swinging a fist towards Tsukishima's face. Quicker than anything, Tsukishima dodged and grabbed Kageyama's hand, twisting it behind his back. With his mouth near Kageyama's ear, he whispered, "Now, listen. This meeting never happened. I have never met you before. You don't know that I'm the guy who is dating Hinata. You don't know that Hinata is gay, because you never saw us, and you left school early because you had a headache."

  
Kageyama was speechless. _Who the hell was this guy?_

  
Tsukishima looked satisfied. "I'm glad we've come to a mutual understanding."

  
With a final wave, Tsukishima placed his headphones over his ears and walked down the street, the shadows soon hiding him from Kageyama's view.

 

* * *

  
His mother had tried to get him to take a day off from school, but Kageyama wouldn't budge.

  
"Tobio, please," his mother begged. "Just take one day off. One day. You look so ill, you can't go in like that!"

  
Kageyama just shrugged. "I'm fine, Mom. I'll be fine today."

  
"Please just stay home, Tobio. I'm sure that Shouyou could take notes for you."

  
Kageyama flinched at Hinata's first name, and his mother caught it.

  
"Did you fall out with him, Tobio?"

  
"No." Kageyama bristled.

  
"Are you angry with him then?"

  
"Not at all." Kageyama breathed through his nose. "Mom, I'm going to be late. I need to leave now."

  
Kageyama's mother looked doubtful, a crease between her eyebrows. She stood there, arms crossed, and then decided that she knew nothing about her son. With a final sigh, she patted Kageyama's hair and said, "Fine, Tobio. You can go in today, but if you feel worse, come straight home."

  
Kageyama cracked a tiny smile. "Yes, Mom."

 

* * *

  
"Kageyama!"

  
A nose pressed itself into the back of Kageyama's neck, and Kageyama froze. Hinata ran around to his front again, like always, and offered Kageyama a bright smile. He itched to just lift a hand and run it through Hinata's soft hair like Tsukishima probably did. He wanted to lay kisses all over Hinata's face until they forgot everything else but each other.

  
"Kageyama, are you okay?"

  
Hinata looked adorable, head tilted to one side. Orange curls flopped sideways, exposing a pale forehead, and Kageyama could see the invisible markings of Tsukishima's filthy lips all over Hinata's wondrous skin.

  
Kageyama hated how Hinata could look so innocent, all wide eyes and open arms. He had the nerve to look like he was just as in the dark as Kageyama, when he was the one standing clearly in the light. Kageyama clenched his fists and hissed, "No, I'm not. Now leave me alone."

  
Pushing up the sleeves of his uniform jacket he strolled past Hinata, making sure to raise his left wrist in a goodbye. As soon as he heard Hinata's gasp, Kageyama smirked and ran his fingers over the now bared skin where his wish bracelet used to rest.

  
 _That's right, Hinata. I've given up on my wish, and I've given up on you._

 

* * *

  
Geography was enough to make tears of boredom well up in Kageyama's eyes. Rather than distracting the class, Hinata was taking detailed notes and underlining vital pieces of information. The class was confused - why wasn't Hinata cracking jokes and standing on desks and making everyone laugh? The answer was traced back to Kageyama, and all day long Kageyama had to glare back at people.

  
After class, Kageyama slung his bag strap over his shoulder and was about to walk out when he heard someone call his name.

  
"Kageyama!"

  
Hinata.

  
Kageyama carried on walking down the hallway behind a group of girls, listening with attentive ears to their conversation. Apparently one girl's boyfriend smudged her nail polish, so she had broken up with him. Interesting.

  
" _Tobio_!"

  
Two hands placed themselves onto his shoulders, and before he knew it, there were legs wrapped around his waist, somebody leaning against his back, their nose against his neck.

  
"Why are you ignoring me?" Hinata's voice was weak and trembling, loud right next to Hinata's ear. "Why are you running away from me, now? Did I do something to you?"

  
Kageyama didn't have the time for this.

  
" _W-where's your wish bracelet_?"

  
"Get off me."

  
Confused and hurt, Hinata slid down Kageyama's body.

  
"This is hurting me, Kageyama."

  
 _Don't you dare sound hurt. You don't get to do that, not to me. I'm the one that's hurt, not you._

  
Kageyama just began to walk outside, away from the groups of students. Hinata followed, until they were out by the vending machines, right near the spot where Hinata had kissed Tsukishima the day before. Kageyama could feel Hinata's footsteps becoming unsure, slower, terrified.

  
"K-Kageyama, what did I do?"

  
Kageyama stood in the spot where Hinata had kissed Tsukishima and laughed, leaning against the wall. Hinata stood there opposite him, wringing his hands together, looking pale and conflicted.

  
"You're killing me, and I hate you for it."

  
"What?" Hinata exclaimed, and then he began to cough. "I-I don't know what you're talking about, Kageyama, I swear-"

  
"-you're also a shitty liar," Kageyama smiled ruefully.

  
"What did I do?" Hinata cried, choking back tears. "Why are you being so horrible to me today? What am I meant to do, Kageyama? I'm trying to console you, this is what best friends do!"

  
"Best friends don't keep secrets. They don't lead each other on, either."

  
"Kageyama..." Hinata whispered, shaking his head slowly. "I don't know what you mean..."

  
"Don't go fucking denying it!" Kageyama yelled. "You...you're...you're gay, Hinata, aren't you? And you never told me, you never said a single word, you left me in the dark. How long has it been since you figured out that you liked guys?"

  
Hinata closed his eyes and sighed, his body stiff and heavy. "A year, just about."

  
"Right." Kageyama's voice wavered. "A year, and you never told your best friend of eleven years anything about your fucking sexuality crisis. You told me nothing!"

  
They were both crying now, tears cascading down their cheeks relentlessly.

  
"Well, you're the same!" Hinata shouted. "Don't think I don't know that you're in love with me, Kageyama. You've always been in love with me, and I could feel it rolling off of you in waves, and it made me feel-"

  
"-in charge?" Kageyama countered. "Like you had power over me? Because poor little Tobio Kageyama who's in love with his stupid best friend that isn't even gay, what a nice sappy coming-of-age movie that would make. You liked being the love interest in my story, don't lie."

  
"That's not it!" Hinata cried. "How did you even find out? Look, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, but it was because I didn't want you to run away and leave me!"

  
Kageyama could agree with that. So he took a deep breath, counted to ten, and said, "I saw you here, in this exact spot, kissing Tsukishima. He had everything I wanted in that moment and I wanted to die, and you looked happy playing a part in my tragedy."

  
"You saw us?" Hinata sobbed, rubbing tears away from his eyes. "Kageyama, I didn't want you to find out like that, I mean I'd never meant to flaunt my relationship with Tsukishima or anything! We only met up outside of school before yesterday, I didn't want you to find out and get hurt!"

  
"And how much trouble did that save you?"

  
"Don't sass me, you asswipe!"

  
"I'm doing no such thing," Kageyama denied. "You flirted with me this whole time, making me believe that I had a chance with you, when I clearly didn't. That hurt, Hinata. You hurt me so much. I've loved you for years, and I let you take your time until you found out who you truly were. But then you go for Tsukishima instead, and my heart is now cracked in two. How nice of the school's golden boy."

  
"I didn't mean for Tsukishima to happen! It just did!"

  
Kageyama was done. "Oh, really?" he asked dryly. "Well, if it got too much for you, you could have picked any point in the last seven months to break it off with him, but you didn't. Do you expect me to believe that you're staying with him out of pity? You love him, Hinata. Don't you?"

  
"Shut up!" Hinata screamed, tears rolling down his neck and past the collar of his shirt. "Shut up, Kageyama! Don't ever make someone feel bad for falling in love. You can't do that to anybody, and you know what? You're selfish. So selfish that nobody could ever love you. So what if I love Tsukishima? You're not the guy for me, Kageyama, and you never were. You're my best friend, and he's Tsukishima. I'm in love with him!"

  
Kageyama's smile was painfully tight as he cried, screwing his eyes shut in frustration. "I met Tsukishima last night, actually. He was a blast. All bitchy and shallow. Just like you. What a match."

  
"I didn't mean to lead you on, Kageyama, that's just what friends do! They hold hands, they hang out together, they fall asleep on each others' shoulders, they share beds and ice cream and straws and ice cream cartons. You deluded yourself into thinking that I loved you. You're crazy!"

  
Kageyama just held out his left wrist, without the reassuring presence of his wish bracelet. Hinata's eyes widened as he looked at the space where their token of friendship had once been, and he began to cry again. Kageyama just shook his head, smiling sadly.

  
"I didn't want my wish anymore. I wished for you to love me, and to always be mine, but I knew that it wouldn't happen once I saw you both here yesterday. You both looked in love, and I was out of the loop, and it hurt so much. I gave up on my wish, and so you should too."

  
"My wish?" Hinata asked tearfully, and Kageyama pointed to his ankle.

 

* * *

  
"Why do you have another one?" Thirteen year-old Kageyama asked, pointing to the wish bracelet that lay on Hinata's lap.

  
The second wish bracelet was made from strings of sunset orange, bright yellow and golden brown. It reminded Kageyama of the sun and Hinata's hair, of things that were permanently bright and cheerful. Just looking at it created images of sunny meadows and endless forests, and Kageyama supposed that he liked the colour.

  
Hinata picked up the bracelet and waved it around in the air.

  
"When I bought you one for your birthday, I bought myself one, too! That way we could make our wishes together, and they'd be twice as strong." Hinata pulled up his left trouser leg and tied the bracelet tightly around his ankle as he shouted, "I wish me and Kageyama will stay best friends forever!"

  
Kageyama's face burned scarlet as Hinata laughed and prodded him in the stomach.

  
"So, come on, Kageyama. What did you wish for? You heard mine."

  
"I'm not telling you!"

  
"Aw, that's mean! Why not?"

  
"Because!"

  
"Hinata!"

  
Hinata just sighed and flopped onto his back, laying on the carpet in Kageyama's bedroom. "Well, fine, but just remember never to give up on your wish, okay? If you believe it's impossible, then it will be."

 

* * *

  
Kageyama looked at Hinata's ankle and motioned for him to lift up his trouser leg. Hands shaking, heart beating frantically, Hinata rolled up the material and heard nothing but Kageyama's loud, broken, desparate laugh.

  
Hinata's left ankle was bare, the wish bracelet having been cut off two years ago.

  
"I knew you gave up on me a long time ago."

  
"It wasn't like that." Hinata's voice was like poison. "I just got bored of your company, and I didn't want you around anymore. I never gave up on you."

  
"That's the same thing!" Kageyama's words were barely coherent, sobs threatening to break him. "I had a feeling. All this time, I could feel your hatred cutting into me. You never liked me, did you? What was I to you? A starting block? A boost so you could jump your way up the popularity pyramid?"

  
Hinata's eyes were fiery now. "Is that a crime?" he asked. "Making one friend and then branching off and making others is how the world works, Kageyama. You were just so selfish, wanting to keep me all to yourself. And for how long? I've been friends with you for eleven years. That's eleven years too many."

  
Kageyama's chest hurt. "You're perfect for Tsukishima. You're both horrible."

  
Hinata crossed his arms and fixed Kageyama with a glare. "I pitied you, that was all. I meant to leave you when we entered high school, but then nobody liked you, and I felt bad, so I was all, 'why not? I'll just stay friends with him for now'. It wasn't hurting you. You seemed happy with our arrangement."

  
"It wasn't an arrangement!" Kageyama yelled. "It was friendship! I loved you!"

  
"No, you just thought that you did. I was your only friend. Who else did you have to talk to? I was the only one you could relate to and exchange feelings with. You just placed your affections in the wrong person, that's all. I didn't betray you."

  
Kageyama ran his hands through his hair, held back his sobs, and wiped his tears away as best as he could.

  
"This was all a lie, then."

  
"Yes."

  
"You love Tsukishima."

  
"Yes."

  
"You were just leading me on?"

  
"Well, I don't know about that one. You had fun with it."

  
"You're not as nice as you look."

  
"Definitely correct."

  
"I should forget you."

  
"You _should_. But you won't be able to, because you overthink everything. You'll wonder where you went wrong, you'll wonder why I never loved you, you'll tear everything inside your head apart until you find the answer. But there's no answer to be found, Kageyama. Your wish was ultimately hopeless. I'm guessing that you wished for me to love you, and you're so stupid that you believed it would work."

  
"Of course I believed that it would work," Kageyama looked down at the ground, at Hinata's firm stance, and finally at the sky before he closed his eyes. "You were my angel, my source of happiness. When you gave me a wish, I had to believe that it would come true."

  
"Let me tell you something, Kageyama." Hinata inhaled and exhaled, done with the conversation. "If you have to wish for something, it means that you've given up hope of it ever coming true already. If you want something, you go and get it. You don't sit down and wait for it to come to you. You should have asked me out, and we might have worked. But you're spineless and weak, and that's why in the end you failed."

  
Kageyama felt the ghost of a kiss on his cheek, and his eyes flew open. Hinata was right there, next to him, all soft eyes and open smiles and bright hope.  
"Don't talk to me anymore. I won't talk to you, either. If your mom asks, tell her we decided to hang out with other people because we've both changed too much. Unlike you, she'll get that. These past eleven years have been boring as fuck, so..."

  
Hinata raised a hand in goodbye and walked away, his back facing the sun, his face falling into the shadows. Kageyama watched him go before falling to his knees and crying the pain away, alone in the shadow of the school gym.


	3. i might be addicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if you'll back down  
> There is no end in sight  
> Am I a fool to hang on  
> And will we ever really get it right?
> 
> \- Addicted, Morgan Page ft. Greg Laswell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot of people have asked me to continue this. like, a lot. every single time i get an email notification, whether it's from here or tumblr, it's asking about continuing this! so i'll continue it, and this is the chapter that comes next. forget the ending that you saw. of course, it might end the same way, it might not. anyway, i've created a plan and story outline for this fic, so i hope you guys continue to read it. here is the chapter that comes after hinata revealing his true intentions, and i hope you like it as much as you did for the first two chapters.
> 
> it's so hard to write angst when you have the gekkan shoujo nozaki kun opening blasting in your ears
> 
> i'm nekomajousai on tumblr, let's talk everyone

Kageyama left school early again, ignoring the frantic beating of his heart and the swaying of his consciousness. He unlocked his front door and looked around the empty house, without the presence of his mother for once. The air was stagnant and cool, carrying with it the scent of coffee. Old homework sheets and bills littered the coffee table, dents in the couch and cushions. There was a note stuck to the fridge with a magnet, and Kageyama pulled it off.

> 'Tobio, if you do decide to come home early, I've gone out for a little while. I'll be back soon, so just help yourself to whatever you want! There's leftovers in the fridge.'

  
Kageyama scrunched the note up viciously between his palms and shot it into the bin on the other side of the room. The paper ball scuttled around the rim but fell straight in, and Kageyama retired to his room with the small victory. His eyes stinging, head throbbing, Kageyama collapsed onto his bed and cried out all of his pain. He screwed the fabric of his sheets into his fists and bit down on his lip as hard as he could, trying to stop himself from feeling. Blood ran down his chin, staining his fingertips, igniting the hurt in his chest.

Kageyama reached down to the floor to grab a shirt, and then wiped away his tears with it. Holding the bloodstained fabric away from his face to get a better look, he identified the shirt as Hinata's.

_I just got blood on my ex-best friend's shirt, great. No chance of reconciliation, then._

_Oh, wait. This is good._

Kageyama stood, and proceeded to gather up everything that belonged to Hinata. His shirts, spare sneakers, pens, forgotten homework sheets, all of the presents that he had ever received during their eleven-year lie. Kageyama kicked the huge bundle of Hinata's things out into the hall and carried them out to the garden. Pulling out every kitchen drawer, throwing countless household items to the floor, Kageyama found what he was looking for.

  
Kageyama held up the packet of matches.

  
Hinata's things were all lumped together by his mother's flowers. Kageyama and Hinata had once tended to those flowers all summer, carefully pruning them and watering them every day. But now, the flowers looked limp and dead with the cold winds, and Kageyama knew that they would die soon. Striking a match along the side of the box, Kageyama watched the brilliant flame gleam around his fingertips, but he held on, waiting for the heat to be as close as possible. God knows he needed some light in his life.

  
Kageyama tossed the match onto the pile and watched as it all caught fire, hissing and spitting. The sheets of paper shrivelled up and burnt, ashes flying away in the wind. But the fire wasn't enough. Kageyama needed more fire. More, more, more. He proceeded to strike more matches, laughing.

  
 _This is so much fun. Fun, isn't it? It's so much fun watching everything burn. You have fun with friends, that's what you do, right? Since I have no friends, I'll get my dose of fun from this. Fire is fun_.

  
The matchbox was empty and so was Kageyama's heart, but he sat close to the fire and watched his childhood burn, feeling nothing. The heat was all around him, blissfully welcoming, and Kageyama held his arms out, ready to embrace the pain.

"Tobio!"

"Tobio, get away from that, right now!"

  
There were hands tearing Kageyama away from the fire, pushing him down onto the ground. His face was pressed into the cold conrete, while his mother attempted to put out the fire with a fire extinguisher. Kageyama felt guilt claw at his chest as he watched his mother struggle. But there was nothing she could do - the fire had spread to the flowerbeds, burning the flowers to ash and licking up the trunk of their old cherry tree.

  
Kageyama's mother spun around, dark hair flying out around her face. Her eyes were wide and terrified, the same dark blue as Kageyama's, as she shouted, "Tobio! Go inside, and call the fire brigade!"

  
Trembling with fear, Kageyama ran back inside the house and dialled the number, voice shaking, needing to repeat his address four times. By the time the fire brigade showed up, the tree was a plume of fire and ash, the bark scorched, the air hot inside Kageyama's lungs. Six firemen showed up and put out the fire with their hoses, leaving dirty tracks on the white kitchen tiles. Useless and numb, Kageyama cleaned off the dirt and tidied away some of the items on the floor.

  
Once the fire had been put out, the police came along with an ambulance. Kageyama and his mother were sent to the hospital to check for smoke inhalation, and in the ambulance on the way there the air was thick and heavy. Kageyama's mother was talking to two police officers quietly, her eyes dull.

  
After they had arrived at the hospital, one of the policemen accompanied Kageyama's mother to her checkup while the younger of the two policemen started talking to Kageyama.

  
"You're alright, aren't you?"

  
Kageyama grunted. The police officer looked only about three or so years older than him. His hair was dark and it stuck up in a weird bedhead that Kageyama supposed looked sort of cool. The officer's uniform was tight around muscled biceps, while a black belt held the navy shirt and trousers in place. His shoes were black and covered in specks of dirt while his eyes searched Kageyama's, narrowed like a cat's. "Yo. Come on. Speak to me. I look like I'm talking to myself right now, that's embarrassing."

  
Kageyama sighed. "Hello."

  
The officer clapped his hands and smiled brightly. "There you go!" he grinned. "Sorry. I shouldn't be all loud and boisterous on the job, but what can you do when somebody needs cheering up? You've gotta make them happy, right?"

  
 _I don't even want to make conversation with you, officer bedhead. Please leave._

  
A hand clamped itself onto Kageyama's shoulder. "I'm Officer Kuroo Tetsurou, but call me Kuroo. The guy who I was with before is my annoying coworker Officer Yamamoto Taketora."

"I'm Kageyama." Kageyama replied, making eye contact with Kuroo for the first time. "Nice to meet you, I guess."

  
Kuroo smiled and took out a chocolate bar from his left pocket. He broke it into two halves and handed one to Kageyama, who took it gratefully. While Kageyama ate his half slowly, Kuroo's half had vanished in the space of ten seconds.

  
"Your eyes are the same as your mother's," Kuroo told Kageyama as they watched patients shuffle in and out of rooms. Kageyama closed his eyes and listened to the sound of monitors beeping and slippers scuffling.

  
"Yes, they are," Kageyama responded. "My father's eyes are grey."

  
Kuroo's elation was evident as Kageyama proceeded to make conversation with him. "Yeah? Well, you're lucky. I love blue eyes. But look at me, mine are just black. Dull, am I right?"

  
"Life is dull," the words slipped off of Kageyama's tongue before he could reign them in, and Kuroo's eyes widened.

  
"No, no, Kageyama, that's all wrong!"Kuroo assured him, laughing a little. His dark eyes glittered as he looked at Kageyama, and Kageyama knew that Kuroo was wrong. Black eyes weren't dull, at least not on this kind police officer.

  
"Kageyama, life isn't dull, and it never will be. Sad things can happen that make life seem dull, like when it rains on your birthday or you fail a test. But those things don't do anything but make you feel dull _inside_. The world is still beautiful around you. It's just up to you - do you want to stay in the cloud of smoke forever, or do you want to fight your way out into the fresh air? I once felt the same as you, but just... surround yourself with people who make life seem like a wonderful thing. It worked for me."

  
Kuroo leaned back against the wall and sighed as one of the joints in his back popped. Kageyama had been listening to the advice attentively, and his wide eyes couldn't betray his interest.

  
"Kuroo..."

  
"Yes, Kageyama?"

  
"How old are you now?"

  
Kuroo sent Kageyama a sidelong glance and muttered, "Twenty-five. Man, I'm getting along."

  
"Oh." Kageyama swallowed. "You're not that old. If you don't mind me asking...how long did it take you to make friends after your..."

  
"Breakdown?" Kuroo finished. "About a year, I'd say, Kageyama. It was hard for me to move on, but I did it. I joined a volleyball club and met tons of people there. Why don't you try that?"

  
Kageyama's eyes glowed. "A sports club?"

  
Kuroo snapped his fingers and levelled Kageyama with a catty glare. "Volleyball, Kageyama, volleyball! Not just any old sport, but volleyball! It heals the soul, you know. I was team captain back in my high school days. I could block any spike."

  
"You don't play anymore?" Kageyama finished the last of his chocolate and stared at Kuroo.

  
Kuroo looked saddened, and he smiled ruefully at Kageyama. "No, I gave up playing after I left university. I suffered a knee injury, so I couldn't play anymore. Well, I mean, I could, but my knee couldn't take the jumping after a while so it ended up doing more bad than good."

  
"Why not become a volleyball coach, then?"

  
"The pay wasn't that good, and the police station was offering better. Sadly, I had to pick money over what I loved doing, because that's just how it is. But my degree is in Sports Medicine, so your life can really go anywhere when you think about it."

  
"But I-" Kageyama began, only to be stopped when a hand ruffled his hair.

  
The hand belonged to another officer with a bleached-blond strip in his fuzzy hair. He was wearing a look on his face that should have passed as intimidating, but just came off as plain weird. Kageyama remembered him as Yamamoto Taketora, the officer who had accompanied his mother.

  
"Off you go, kid," Yamamoto crowed, placing his hands on his hips and looking Kageyama in the eye. "Your mother is alright. I'll be taking her down to the cafeteria to get some coffee, so she's in safe hands, I assure you."

  
"I'll take Kageyama to his checkup, then," Kuroo said, and began to walk down the hallway. Kageyama thanked Officer Yamamoto and hurried after Kuroo. They stopped in front of a door and Kuroo went in first.

  
The doctor was a tall man with black hair and glasses. He looked kind enough, and fixed Kageyama with a gentle smile. Kuroo stood by the door, arms crossed, one foot braced against the wall behind him. Every so often he offered Kageyama a grin and gave him the thumbs-up.

  
When Kageyama was cleared, Kuroo took him down to the cafeteria, where his mother was sitting alongside Officer Yamamoto. There were four cups of coffee on the tabletop and they each took one, blowing across the surface to cool it.

  
"Your son is perfectly fine, Mrs. Kageyama," Kuroo offered Kageyama's mother a wonderful smile, setting his cup down. "He's in perfect health, hardly any smoke was inhaled, and he doesn't seem to be showing any symptoms of extreme shock. However, the doctor did say that he needs a lot of rest."

  
Kageyama's mother was quiet for once, and that scared Kageyama. His mother was always loud, laughing and spirited, and to see her so quiet hurt him a little. He knew that it was his fault for creating a huge fire like some weird pyromaniac, so the least he could do was apologise.

  
"Mom, I'm sorry." Kageyama muttered, looking down into his coffee.

  
His mother just sighed placing her coffee down and closing her eyes. "Tobio, don't apologise. I'm just so glad that you weren't hurt. What on earth were you thinking, lighting a fire in our garden? There are so many trees and plants there, everything could have gone up in flames before I got back! I don't even want to think about what could have happened."

  
Officer Yamamoto nodded. "Yes, Mrs. Kageyama, it's extremely fortunate that you showed up when you did. Over three quarters of your garden was burned completely."

  
"Oh, God." Kageyama's mother sobbed, hiding her face in her hands. "I'm so glad that you're okay, Tobio."

  
Kageyama reached across the table and grabbed his mother's hand, squeezing it gently. "Yes, Mom. I love you."

 

* * *

  
Kuroo and Officer Yamamoto had taken them back home in a police car. Just as Kageyama was about to go into the house, a hand gripped his and another bar of chocolate was being shoved into his palm. Officer Yamamoto said that they would need to come back sometime later in the week to talk to Kageyama again, but that was all. They were gone with one last wave and smile from Kuroo.

  
Kageyama and his mother lay on the couch, his head in his mother's lap. Her fingers gently ran through his hair as he looked through the patio doors to the garden, covered in ash and charred branches. Dirty footprints still dotted the kitchen floor.

  
The clock ticked eleven, and Kageyama's world was dark.

 


	4. compass points towards the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you would just leave yourself to the music,  
> you'll see that you feel much lighter.  
> Even now, it seems like you can fly, doesn't it?
> 
> \- Fiesta, +Plus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love kuroo and anybody who sees my tumblr page must be shocked at the amount of kuroo i reblog. so i will get him a main role in this story, because god bless kuroo tetsurou. kageyama opens up a little here, and i know this chapter took me some time to get out but i sometimes find it hard to write. especially when there always seems to be a new episode of something, yay
> 
> you know the thing, if you want to talk or anything IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT KUROO my tumblr is nekomajousai okay

  
As promised, Kuroo and Officer Yamamoto came back three days later to ask Kageyama and his mother a few questions. Kageyama's mother talked to Officer Yamamoto, while Kuroo and Kageyama were reunited once again.

  
"Hey, Kageyama!" Kuroo greeted him as they stepped into the house and took their shoes off. Kageyama's mother went into the kitchen to pour them some coffee, and Kageyama was left alone in the hallway with both officers. Kuroo was looking at him encouragingly, while Yamamoto's face was stuck in a particularly painful-looking grimace.

  
"It'll be over quick, kid, don't worry," Officer Yamamoto grunted, slapping Kageyama hard on the back.

Kuroo winced and shot Yamamoto a glare. "Don't make it seem like he's getting a root canal or something." He turned to Kageyama and assured him that it was just a few questions.

  
When Kageyama and Kuroo entered the living room, there were two cups of coffee on the table. Kageyama took one and Kuroo the other. A black notebook was opened and a pen taken out of nowhere, so on the questions came.

  
"Kageyama, you started the fire, correct?"

  
"I did."

  
"Why?"

  
Kageyama shrugged and looked into his coffee. He could see his reflection clearly as he replied, "I was trying to get rid of some painful memories."

  
Kuroo jotted down Kageyama's answer and prodded, "What painful memories? Can you talk about it?"

  
Kageyama sighed. Kuroo wasn't bad. In fact, he was really nice and approachable, unlike his strange partner. But he didn't want to talk about Hinata, the source of his problems.  
"I don't want to." Kageyama mumbled.

  
Kuroo's eyes widened and he looked down at his notes. "I'm sorry, Kageyama. I know that you don't feel like talking, but I'm a police officer and this is my job. I need to understand why you did what you did, so we can decide the best course of action."

  
"'Course of action'?" Kageyama echoed. "Like what?"

  
"Some people get therapy, others get social services to look into their home lives. In one case I worked on last year, a kid got sent to a sort of...psychiatric ward to get help. Things like that, Kageyama."

  
"I..." Kageyama's throat felt as though it was closing. "I...I don't want to go there, Kuroo..."

"I know, Kageyama. I know." Kuroo sighed, placing the notebook on the table in front of him. "I'll try my hardest to keep your life as it is, promise. But to do that, I'll need you to answer my questions."

  
Kageyama nodded in silent agreement, and Kuroo cracked a smile. "Okay, so Kageyama. Why did you do it?"

  
"I sort of fell out with my best friend. He told me that our friendship for the past eleven years was more like a chore to him. I can understand that. I'm not good company. But he hurt me, and in my room everything reminded me of him, and shit, I couldn't take it. So I just got everything that belonged to him and the things that he'd given me, and I burned them."

  
"When you lit the fire, were you aware of what you were doing? Are you certain that you were in the right state of mind?"

  
"Yes," Kageyama answered immediately. "I lit it because I wanted to. It felt good. My light left me, so I needed to make more light. Light isn't special. You can get it anywhere. So I made my own light, and it felt amazing, and I knew what I was doing. I'm not crazy, Kuroo."

  
Kageyama's black hair was messy and sticking up in all angles in his natural bedhead. His skin was flushed, crimson dusting his cheekbones. Those dull blue eyes were alive, fiery yet still so much like the sea. And Kuroo was worried. Very worried.

  
"Kageyama, do you like fire?"

  
Kageyama looked down at his burnt fingertips and nodded. "I love fire."

  
Kuroo didn't want to think about this boy any longer. He hurriedly jotted down a few notes, slammed the notebook shut, and then looked up at Kageyama. His pupils were wide, his mouth twitched upwards into a smile, and Kuroo was officially worried.

  
"Kageyama," he whispered quietly, beckoning for the younger boy to lean in.

When Kageyama's ear was near Kuroo's mouth, he continued. "Kageyama, I think you need to get some help."

Kageyama bit his lip, agitated. "I don't need help. I'm just slightly annoyed with my friend. But there's nothing wrong with me, I swear."

  
"Listen, I don't think that's quite right-"

  
"What are you saying?" Kageyama narrowed his eyes. "You think I'm insane?"

  
Kuroo held his palms outward, protesting. "No, no, of course not!" he assured him. "I'm just worried about you. Can you blame me?"

  
"Yes," Kageyama muttered, his bottom lip wobbling just a little. "Hinata never worried about me, so why should _you_?"

  
Just as Kuroo was about to ask who Hinata was, Kageyama took a huge gulp of air and started shaking, tears pooling in his eyes. Nausea built up in his stomach, churning around his insides like a whirlpool of hatred. Kageyama brought up a hand to smother his cries while his eyes remained wide open and scared, his heart thumping rapidly against the palm of his other hand.

  
"He's not even mine-" Kageyama sobbed, his words distorted. "He was _never_ mine, and he'll never be mine anyway, so I don't see the point of anything, much less fucking _life_ -"  
Kuroo, who had been watching Kageyama's terrifying slip between emotions, plunged his hands into his pockets and brought out five different types of chocolate bar.

  
"Look, Kageyama, do you want this one? It's got fruit and nuts!"

  
Kageyama sobbed harder, chest heaving.

  
"I see, so you're more of a praline guy. Okay, well you can have this one-"

  
"I'm fucking alone!" Kageyama said shakily, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. "I don't want-"

  
"-praline?" Kuroo finished. "Fair enough. Plain milk chocolate then?"

  
"Just give it to me!" Kageyama howled, and snatched a random chocolate bar from Kuroo. He removed the wrapper and shoved it into his mouth, crying even harder.

  
"Ah! Kageyama, shhh," Kuroo begged him. "Yamamoto will come in here and yell at me, and I don't need that! Just...okay, now listen. If you stop crying right now, then I won't tell anyone anything. I won't tell them that you freaked out."

  
Kageyama was still crying, the chocolate bar sticking half out of his mouth.

  
Kuroo sighed. "I think you still need help, though. No doubt about it. So here's the deal. I'll be your help. We can meet and talk, and I'll shine some light on you, since you're looking for it in all the wrong places. Do we have a deal?"

  
Without saying a word, Kageyama nodded and left to go to his room, tears drying on his cheekbones and the chocolate bar wrapper in his hand.

 

* * *

  
School the next day was hell.

  
Hinata was as popular and loved as ever. Unluckily for Kageyama, their lockers were close together, so he could see the swarm of girls crowding around Hinata, laughing at his jokes (that were shit, by the way) and ruffling his hair.

  
 _Hinata, your hair will never be softer than mine_.

  
Kageyama only realised how stupid and lonely he was after making that comment. Shaking his head, he pulled out a few textbooks from his locker and slammed it shut, striding briskly down the hall. Students were all hanging around in groups and talking before their first lessons, but Kageyama had nobody to talk to, so he carried on walking and arrived at Geography ten minutes early.

  
The only other person waiting in the empty classroom was this quiet kid called Yamaguchi Tadashi. He had been reading a book as Kageyama came in, and only looked up once to see who had disturbed him. But while Yamaguchi was innocently skipping around in the world of literature, Kageyama was having another breakdown.

  
He usually sits next to Hinata, in every class. So he'd either have to switch seats, or ignore Hinata forever. Frantically, Kageyama went over the class seating plan in his head, only to discover that there were no empty seats. The school bell rang just as he sat down, and Hinata walked in with two girls, laughing.

  
Kageyama was angrily drawing cats in the back cover of his notebook, making sure that the pen nib dug as deep into the paper as possible. Hinata was so close to him, yet so far away. His hair was perfect today, just like always - arranged artfully falling over his forehead, the style that Kageyama had picked for him. He was wearing the shoes that Kageyama chose for him at the mall.

  
Kageyama clenched his jaw and said nothing, determined to remain indifferent. Hinata didn't look bothered about ditching him, so he shouldn't bother with feelings either.

  
 _I still love you. I love everything about you and that will never change. A thousand other people could walk into my life and I would still only see you, because I love you._

  
The teacher arrived, silencing the entire class. They laid a large stack of paper onto the desk and everyone stared at it, including Kageyama.

  
"Alright, class. Since it's nearly the end of the year, I thought we could do a group project."

  
The students cheered, including Hinata. In fact, his feet rose up to kick the back of Kageyama's chair, hard.

  
"I'm going to let you pick your partners. So, who wants to go first?"

  
Hands rose, some students waving theirs in anticipation. But the teacher looked past them all and called out, "Kageyama, how about you?"

  
 _Please tell me that there is another Kageyama in this class_.

  
Kageyama stood up, legs shaking. His hands trembled as he bit his lip and looked around the room. Hinata's quiet snickering filled his ears as he blushed hard and began to stammer out random sounds. The teacher sighed, adjusting his glasses. "Kageyama, why don't you just go with Hinata, like always?"

  
"No!" Kageyama shouted.

  
The girls in the room stared at him with wide, scared eyes. They all looked like a bunch of deer facing Kageyama the wolf, and it hurt, especially when the boy sitting next to him was the monster.

  
"I - I'll go with, um..."

  
People were looking down at their desks, pretending that they couldn't hear the panic in Kageyama's voice. They surreptitiously scratched at their heads, faking absent-mindedness. Some boys even began to whistle and tap their feet, totally unaware of the fact that Kageyama's already bruised heart was breaking in two.

  
The teacher just looked at Kageyama sympathetically. "Kageyama, you can work on this project alone, if you'd like."

  
"Thanks." Kageyama felt the jolt of relief flood through his veins as he slumped back into his seat, ignoring the whispers going around the classroom.

  
Hinata picked a loud kid called Inuoka to be his partner. They looked like a great match, what with the both of them being cute and bouncy. Everyone had shuffled their seats around to sit next to their partners, and now Hinata's arm was around Inuoka's shoulder. Inuoka looked pleased by the contact, and he sat there smiling.  
The whispers in Kageyama's ears were painfully loud now and there was nothing he could do to block it out. The teacher tried in vain to restore order, but threads of gossip were floating around the room along with weird looks at Kageyama.

  
"I hear he told Hinata that he didn't want to be friends with him anymore!"

  
"Yeah, I heard that too."

  
"Nah, I heard that he'd been lying to him all these years or something, only pretending to be his friend."

  
"What? Who told you that?"

  
"Everybody's talking about it. Kageyama ditched the only friend he had."

  
Someone tutted, loud and clear. "He had better look forward to his lonely existence, then."

  
Kageyama clenched his fists against his desk, bowing his head so his hair could cover his eyes. If anyone saw the panic and rage in his eyes, they'd be twice as scared of him. 

_No, no, no, it's not like that! Hinata left me, he hurt me, it wasn't me! I didn't do anything, I'm innocent. Of course, nobody would know how much pain I'm in._

  
Kageyama sat staring at his desk for the rest of the lesson, never looking up, stuck in the eternal hell that was high school.

 

* * *

 

  
He was used to eating lunch alone now, as Hinata sat with Tsukishima and a whole bunch of other kids on the other side of the cafeteria. They looked like a lively bunch, especially the bald guy who had a habit of stripping his shirt and waving it above his head. He was usually accompanied by a short guy with a blond flick in his brunette hair, and Hinata would mainly laugh with those guys.

  
There were others, too - Kageyama recognised three students as the gentle upperclassmen who often spoke in assemblies. Sawamura, Sugawara and Asahi. They usually freaked out whenever food was flung through the air, the rice nearly always hitting Sugawara in the face. Kageyama found himself wishing that he could be over there with them as he poked around with his lunch, arranging the food into weird shapes.

  
 _Maybe life just doesn't favour a loser like me._

 

* * *

  
Kageyama's mother had noticed that there was something wrong with her son. While he was never the type to throw smiles around, now it seemed as though sadness followed him wherever he went. His rare smiles became impossible to coax out, and it hurt her deeply. But when the young police officer from the other day rang their doorbell and stood on their doorstep with a smile, she began to feel slightly better.

  
"Hello, Mrs. Kageyama!" Kuroo beamed, his smile wider than anything. "I'm here to pick up your son!"

  
Kageyama's mother gasped. "What did he do? He's not the type to-"

  
"No, no, none of that," Kuroo waved a hand dismissively. "I hope you don't mind, but I..."

  
Kuroo winced and beat himself up internally. What the heck was he meant to say? _Hi, there! I'm coming to pick your son up for coffee so we can talk and get all deep and maybe if he cried on my shoulder I wouldn't mind, regardless of the fact that I'm a police officer who helped you a couple days ago -_

  
"-I just needed to ask him a few more questions," Kuroo said quickly. "Um. Yeah. Questions. Totally police-ish questions."

  
Mrs. Kageyama nodded, choosing to overlook the fact that sweat was beading on Kuroo's temples while he awkwardly looked around, swaying on the balls of his feet. He was dressed in a red long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black jeans and red sneakers. Shaking her head, she called out, "Tobio!"

  
Kuroo stored this information away immediately. _My new talking buddy is called Tobio Kageyama. Tobio. Age seventeen, blood type AB, height approximately 180cm. I mean, it's not like I read his file or anything._

  
"Hey."

  
Kageyama was dressed casually, his face as blank as usual. A blue t-shirt nearly the same shade as his eyes nearly falling off of one shoulder, exposing his collarbones. A grey tank top was layered underneath, the strap standing out nicely against his tanned skin. Slightly tight black jeans covered his legs, while black sneakers were on his feet.  
Kuroo nodded in greeting, and offered Kageyama's mother another smile. "Fear not, Mrs. Kageyama, I'll have Tobio back at a reasonable time."

  
Mrs. Kageyama had to stop herself from laughing. Kuroo looked so hopeful and happy, while her son looked vaguely annoyed. Still, she waved them away with a grin and prayed that her son would smile again.

  
Kuroo walked next to Kageyama, keeping in pace with him. Their feet hit the pavement with a pleasant, consistent rhythm, almost like music. The blowing wind helpfully scattered Kageyama's fringe over his eyes, halting him in his tracks. Kuroo, whose awkward rooster hair seemed to be held down with industrial gel, looked behind him and laughed at the sight of Kageyama trying to rearrange his hair.

  
"You're strange," Kuroo smirked, fingers quickly combing Kageyama's hair back to normal. The hair was silky and soft to the touch, easily slipping through his fingers. Even after Kageyama's hair was back to normal, Kuroo's fingers continued to touch his hair lightly, fluttering like the wings of a crow.

  
 _Is he going to stroke my hair forever?_ Kageyama scowled as Kuroo's fingers swept some hair behind his ear. _It takes thirty seconds to style my hair. Don't tell me he's some kind of pervert_.

  
Kageyama stepped back suddenly, slapped Kuroo's hand out of the air and stomped hard onto his foot. As Kuroo whined and staggered backwards, Kageyama turned to go back to his house.

  
"If you're trying to get a good fuck, don't look for that in me," he whispered, hurt igniting inside his chest. "I should have known something was wrong with you, you fucking pervert. Nobody acts nice unless they want something, right? Nobody is ever nice to me, and you're no different."

  
Nails digging into his palms and heart thudding like a monster trying to escape his body, Kageyama stiffly began to walk, trying his best to fight back the tears. His eyes stung as he tried to keep them open. He bit as hard into his lip as he could, drawing blood, but it wasn't enough.

  
 _I thought he said he would show me the light. Are people all the same? Lying and deceiving? I'm all alone and nothing will convince me to think otherwise. I hate people. I hate them all. I hate myself. If only I was a little more interesting, Hinata would have stayed..._

  
"Kageyama!"

  
A hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, his nose pressing hard into a chest. Two strong, muscled arms wrapped around his body and pulled him closer, a chin resting on the top of his head. Kageyama's hands were crushed against a body as he tried to get away, sobbing.

  
"Listen, I don't know what you're feeling right now, because I'm not too good at understanding you yet," Kuroo began, his voice hard and angry. "But what I do know is that you're wrong, Kageyama. I want to help you, because it seems like there's something inside you that won't just go away with time. You know what that thing is, Kageyama? It's called hurt. I don't want you to hurt anymore."

  
Kageyama just clenched his jaw and shouted, "Get away from me!"

  
"Not yet!" Kuroo shouted back, feeling guilty immediately when he saw Kageyama flinch. "I don't just share my chocolate with anyone, you know. I like something about you, and I don't know what it is yet, but your best friend who disappointed you is one person among billions. Not every person is out to hurt you, and I most certainly am not!"

  
Kageyama felt his eyes soften as the tears continued to fall, down the sides of his eyes as his head was tilted up to look into Kuroo's eyes. Kuroo dug around in his pockets and pulled out a tissue, which he used to wipe the tears away with. Kageyama was still wary of Kuroo, but he decided to go along with whatever he had in mind. At least then he could say that he tried to get help.

  
"Okay," Kageyama answered, teeth still pulling on his lip. Kuroo gently pulled the skin away from his mouth and smiled brightly, although it didn't reach his eyes this time. "Thank you, Kageyama. I promise, I'll do my best to help you."

  
When they started walking again, Kuroo's hand sought out Kageyama's. Their palms were equally warm and sweaty, Kuroo's with nervousness and Kageyama's with fear, but it was nice. Kuroo's hands were big and covered in calluses. Kageyama's were smaller and the skin was soft. As they were about to cross a busy main road, Kuroo's fingers slipped between Kageyama's and linked them together. "For maximum safety," Kuroo exclaimed.

  
Kageyama just looked down at their hands, fitting together perfectly, and nodded.

 

* * *

  
Kuroo had taken him to a small coffee shop. There were only two members of staff, a tall boy with shiny silver hair and a shorter one with light brown hair. They argued constantly, and it was rather funny. Kuroo ordered a hot chocolate with a chocolate muffin, while Kageyama chose tea and a vanilla sponge slice.

  
"Why do you like chocolate so much?" Kageyama asked, sipping his tea slowly. It was scalding.

  
Kuroo just shot him a blinding grin and replied, "Because it's so sweet and wonderful. You have hard boiled sweets, but they all taste so artificial. You have toffee, but those sweets are only for badasses 'cause they can pull your teeth out without a second thought and I am not strong enough for that. Chocolate is gentle, melts with your touch, holds a complex flavour for such a simple delight...ah." Kuroo leaned back in his chair and inhaled deeply. "I'm going to order another one."

  
Kageyama snorted and broke off a piece of his cake slice. "You really love chocolate. That's fine."

  
"Say, Kageyama." Kuroo looked down into his empty cup and sighed. "It's really none of my business. I mean, well, it is. I can't help you if I don't know what happened. But I...I just need to know, were you in love with your best friend?"

  
Kageyama's eyes widened as he quickly dropped the cake, scattering crumbs all over his jeans. He broke out into a cold sweat and his legs began to tremble under the table.

"Um...um..."

  
Kuroo just looked at him, slow and patient, and Kageyama felt his resolve crumble. "Yes, I was."

  
"I thought so."

  
"How?"

  
"Well, your eyes seemed to soften whenever you talked about him. You looked so cold and angry, but when you talked about your friend, your frown wasn't as apparent, your eyes weren't so strained, and your nervous tremor stopped. That's love."

  
"It was," Kageyama said quickly. "But he loves someone else. Another guy, he's a year older than us. He's also a tool, I hate him."

  
Kuroo laughed. "Well, is your best friend happy?"

  
"I don't know," Kageyama answered truthfully. "I don't think he's ever been happy with me. I don't know what Hinata looks like when he's happy."

  
A hand fell on his, almost covering it completely. Kageyama stared at it until Kuroo whispered, "Kageyama, you're a nice person."

  
"No, you are," Kageyama argued. "I think that if you were seventeen, Hinata would have kept you around. You seem like everything a best friend should be. You're nice and understanding and I don't understand why you'd want to help me. Are you even getting paid for this?"

  
Kuroo shook his head from side to side happily, woofing. "Nope!"

  
"So then why?"

  
Kuroo frowned. "I just want to help you. Today we touched on some things a little, but I think we need to talk more. When can I see you again?"

Kageyama shrugged. "Whenever you want. I don't have anything else to do besides school."

  
"I can help you, if you want," Kuroo said. "I was ranked second in my school."

  
"Really?" Kageyama sat forwards, curious. "You must be pretty smart then."

  
Kuroo just flung his head backwards, bedhead bouncing. "Yah! I was only beaten by my nerdy best friend."

  
"You have one, too?"

  
"Had." Kuroo smiled. "His name was Kenma. He was awkward but friendly. A total introvert."

  
"You sound very alike, except for the whole introvert thing."

  
"I'm awkward and friendly?"

  
"Yeah."

  
After another round of hot chocolate, Kuroo paid regardless of Kageyama's protests. As soon as they left the coffee shop with a wave of goodbye towards the two workers, Kuroo's hand gripped Kageyama's again. The sun had just set, and the wind blew colder. Subtly, Kageyama leaned closer to Kuroo, who just seemed to emanate warmth. His face pressed into Kuroo's shoulder a little, and they walked close together.

  
When they crossed the main road again, Kuroo's hands held Kageyama's so gently yet so tightly, and Kageyama felt safe. The walk back was full of Kuroo's laughter, warm hands and steady smiles. As they reached Kageyama's gate, Kuroo smiled.

  
"Today was fun."

  
"It was."

  
"How does Thursday sound? I'll come to pick you up again."

  
"It sounds fine."

  
Kuroo scratched the back of his head and nodded. "Okay. That's good. See you soon, Kageyama."

  
Kageyama turned to walk up the path to his house with a hand raised in goodbye, but then a hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled him backwards. Kuroo smiled down at him slyly, and then pulled a chocolate bar out of nowhere. After carefully tearing the wrapper off with his teeth, Kuroo motioned for Kageyama to open his mouth and then placed it in, making him hold it between his lips. Quickly, Kuroo darted downwards and bit off the half sticking out of Kageyama's mouth. Kageyama gasped and the chocolate nearly fell out, but Kuroo pressed his jaw upwards until his lips were closed.

 

" _What-_ " Kageyama gurgled, but Kuroo just shook his head.

  
"I'll see you Thursday."

  
Nodding dumbly, Kageyama staggered towards his house, the taste of chocolate filling his mouth.


	5. four fans and the band's going wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I ain't got no time to be broken-hearted  
> No, it's time for me to get my life started  
> Again I can't take it so I break and fall  
> You hang from a rope 'til it all just paused  
> Death from the start, a stab in the heart  
> I'm addicted to you."
> 
> \- Love is a Drug, New Politics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long to get out. i've been sort of busy, but i won't leave this, i promise! i have the next three chapters planned, don't worry.
> 
> thank you everyone who has messaged me on tumblr, or commented! it means so much to me and every single one of you who left me kudos...you're all amazing. you are all worth 10 goats to me. but seriously, if you ever want to talk about anything like my fic or writing or just haikyuu in general, i'm nekomajousai on tumblr and i am always online.
> 
> now, read on!

Kageyama sighed as his pencil lead snapped in half once again. Pushing down hard on the eraser to produce more lead, Kageyama looked around the room. Heads were down as students anxiously scribbled down notes, their teacher still droning on in a monotonous voice at the front.

  
Looking down at his paper, Kageyama saw his neat handwriting, slanted and cursive, detailing the structure of Shakespeare's plays. Highlighted sections stood out as key points while coloured bookmarks poked out of the pages of his book. What a study bug he had become, what with all the free time he had now. No friends to hang out with, nobody to bother you.

  
Wait, that wasn't true.

  
He bit back a smile as he thought of the charismatic, friendly person that was Kuroo Tetsurou. For a while, they had been texting, and Kageyama found out that they had a lot in common. They'd both watched Attack on Titan and wanted to join the Survey Corps - they'd both felt outraged at the ending of Hyouka, and they both couldn't stand fizzy drinks.

  
Kuroo was great.

  
They had made plans to go out again today, for more hot chocolate and cake. Kuroo didn't seem to want to do anything else other than eat things containing chocolate, and Kageyama didn't mind. He wasn't the type to be picky, and Kuroo was helping him a lot. Just having someone to talk to was nice, but Kageyama couldn't help but feel like they were dating, what with the hand holding and secret smiles.

  
As the bell rang, Kageyam gathered up his pencils and books and stuffed them inside his bag, following the stream of students as they left the classroom. Girls huddled in groups, laughing or bitching about the weather (Kageyama really couldn't tell with girls) and the boys swung their bags around and hit each other with particularly hard-looking punches.

  
"Hinata!"

  
"Tsukishima!"

  
Out of the corner of his eye, Kageyama saw Hinata run towards Tsukishima, the both of them laughing. Today, Tsukishima wore the white school uniform shirt with the green tie that third-year students wore, a dark blue t-shirt underneath. His school trousers were tight on his long legs while his wavy blond hair was stylishly mussed with gel.

  
 _I could look like that if I wanted. Is that what Hinata wants? If Hinata wants it, then I would look like that, just for him. Just for Hinata. I'll buy hair gel on the way home, and of course I'll look better than Tsukishima-_

  
_wait._

  
Kageyama shook his head fiercely, his dark hair covering his eyes. He would be going on a date with Kuroo later today. _Kuroo_ , the wonderful, kind guy who understood Kageyama and wanted to do his best to help him.

  
He would go home, and he would wait for Kuroo.

  
It took a tremendous amount of strength, but Kageyama forced his legs to move and walked, his heart on the ground, behind the group of girls, focusing on keeping his breathing even.

 

* * *

  
"Kageyama!"

  
Kuroo had been invited into the house, and was sitting happily at the kitchen table. Kageyama's mother sat opposite him, an amused smile on her face as Kuroo's eyes lit up on sight of Kageyama. Yet again, Kuroo was dressed nicely - a black jacket and white shirt, tight black jeans and black sneakers. The clothes were simple, but Kuroo was not - rather, he was everything that complex beauty should be.

  
Kageyama, dressed in jeans, a shirt and baggy sweater, nodded at Kuroo. Mrs. Kageyama touched Kuroo's hand gently and laughed, "Oh dear. I'm sorry to give you all this trouble, Officer Kuroo. Isn't it a shame that your colleagues need more answers from Tobio?"

  
Kuroo nodded, gulped and started sweating. He had been using the questioning as an excuse to continue meeting with Kageyama, and now he had to go along with it.

  
"Y-yeah!" he scratched the back of his head nervously, eyes wide. "Um...there is a lot of police-y stuff going on at the office...and we need to do our _thing_ , so..."

  
Mrs. Kageyama's dark blue eyes narrowed, and she looked scarily like Kageyama. "Officer Kuroo, there is no point in lying to me. It's quite obvious that you're dating my son."

  
"But I'm not!" Kuroo pleaded, grabbing Mrs. Kageyama's hands. "I'm not dating him yet! I mean, I haven't really asked him out-"

  
"-so do it, don't keep him waiting!"

  
"I _will_!"

  
"This _year_ would be nice, you know-"

  
"Fine!"

  
Kageyama, who had been pulling on a pair of shoes, just looked at Kuroo open-mouthed. His eyes were wide, but not at all surprised, and it made Kuroo happy to know that Kageyama had seen something between them from the beginning.

  
Kuroo stood up and walked over to Kageyama, who still had one shoe unlaced. Kneeling down and holding up Kageyama's leg, Kuroo dropped the foot into his lap and smiled brightly at Kageyama, his dark eyes twinkling.

  
"I really, really like you, Kageyama."

  
His fingers deftly began tying the laces, while Kageyama fought the blush on his cheeks.

  
"I think I always have. I just do boring desk work at the station, so when they told me to go out on the emergency call, I was excited. I couldn't wait. Maybe a part of me knew that I would meet you that day, I don't know. But I saw _you_ , and something inside me said, ' _Wow. This guy, he's beautiful_.' Everything you do is cute to me, and I like you so much. I don't want to disappoint you because my life isn't all that fun, but..." Kuroo laughed as he tied the last knot on Kageyama's shoe, resting a hand on his ankle.

  
"Will you go out with me? I'd love to make you smile some more."

  
Kageyama felt himself jolt forwards as his arms wrapped around Kuroo's neck, his face pressed into Kuroo's skin. With a laugh, Kuroo's arms enveloped his smaller frame, feeling the movement of bones beneath Kageyama's skin. Tears kissed Kuroo's neck, rolling down below the neckline of his shirt.

  
"Thank you, Kuroo." Kageyama croaked, arms suffocatingly tight around Kuroo. "Thank you."

  
A warm hand rubbed Kageyama's back. "You're making it sound like I only want to go out with you for your sake. This will make me happy, too. It's not some sort of punishment for me, hanging out with you. You make me happy."

  
Kageyama's mother smiled and left, retreating upstairs to give her son and his boyfriend their privacy. She hadn't meant to push Kuroo too much - it had just hurt her to watch from the upstairs window as the young police officer would hold her son's hand, the both of them stuck at a halfway point where they couldn't reach each other.

  
With that final push, she was sure that her son would find happiness in Kuroo.

  
Downstairs, Kageyama breathed heavily, tears sticking his face to Kuroo's neck.

  
"Are you okay now?"

  
"Yes." Kageyama sniffed.

  
"How are you feeling?"

  
"Sort of happy."

  
"Really?"

  
"Yeah."

  
"Me too."

  
"Do you want to go now?" Kageyama asked, pulling back. "It's getting late."

  
"Like that's a problem," Kuroo smirked. "You're with an officer of the law, Kageyama. And an officer in posession of some pretty impressive biceps, if said officer may say so himself."

  
"Right." Kageyama allowed himself to smile a little as Kuroo stood and helped him up, a hand settling on his waist. As they left, Kuroo pulled the door shut and joined Kageyama while they began the walk to the cafe. Their fingers were linked as Kuroo chatted about his day, talking about his annoying coworker that ate everything in the break room.  
Tired, Kageyama's face pressed into Kuroo's shoulder, yawning. With a grin, Kuroo rested his cheek against Kageyama's hair, and they leaned into each other until they reached the cafe. The door was held open by Kageyama's very helpful date, and then they sat at their usual booth by the window. Their order was rattled off while Kageyama looked around the cafe.

  
Kuroo sipped from his hot chocolate, letting out a happy sigh. "Ah, this is so good! Well, it's _always_ good, because it's got chocolate in it, but that's not the point. This is just so..." his eyes widened as though he had just had an epiphany. "... _good_!"

  
"I can tell that took you some time to think up," Kageyama said, spearing a piece of cake with his fork. "How eloquent you are, Kuroo."

  
"You can call me Tetsurou." He was corrected with a warm smile. "Now, eat this. I like you and I like chocolate so it makes sense to share this with you."

  
A piece of chocolate cake rested on Kuroo's fork, and obediently Kageyama let Kuroo slip a hand under his chin and the fork through his lips. Sweet chocolate calmed his nerves and covered his thoughts in glitter, and Kageyama sighed. "That is good. I like it, too."

  
Kuroo set his fork down and looked at the boy in front of him. Kageyama's hair was silky and shiny under the cafe lights. His skin was tan and beautiful, while wide eyes surveyed Kuroo expectantly, a piece of cake in his cheek. The shirt and baggy sweater was falling off of one shoulder, and Kuroo had to hold himself back because damn, _didn't the kid have any shirts that actually fit_? His fingers itched on seeing Kageyama's smooth collarbones. He wanted to feel the hard bone under his fingertips.

  
Kageyama blushed as he drank his tea, his cake finished. They had made it too sweet today, and he didn't like it all that much. The cafe was busier today, with only a few seats empty. At one of the tables near the exit there sat another couple. The first boy was short with orange hair, while the second was tall with short blond hair.

  
The orange-haired boy laughed and leaned his head on the other boy's shoulder while he was being fed pieces of cake. They looked in love and happy, and Kageyama could feel himself break out into a sweat as the blond let out a teasing "Hinata!" when the other stole another bite of cake.

  
Kuroo had noticed the sudden stiffening of Kageyama's muscles and looked at him worriedly. "Kageyama?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing. "Are you okay?"

  
"Y-yeah." Kageyama tried to reach for his mug of tea, but his fingers trembled. "I'm f-fine, Tetsurou."

  
Kuroo smiled a little on Kageyama's use of his first name and reached out to hold Kageyama's trembling hand on the tabletop.

  
"You're shaking. What's wrong?"

  
"Nothing." Kageyama tried to look anywhere but at Hinata and Tsukishima.

  
Kuroo had been carefully following the wild movements of Kageyama's eyes and turned around to see Hinata and Tsukishima flirting happily in a nearby booth. Hinata had both legs slung over Tsukishima's lap, clearly comfortable.

  
"Is that your best friend?" Kuroo whispered, thumb stroking Kageyama's hand.

  
Kageyama nodded. "He was, but not anymore."

  
Kuroo just smirked. "Follow my lead, _honeydoodle_."

  
"W-what? _Kuroo_?"

  
But Kuroo had stood up and made his way to the other side of the table. Pushing Kageyama down the seat, he plonked down next to him with a grin. A hand slid up Kageyama's leg and grabbed his thigh, pulling one of his legs inbetween Kuroo's. With a scarlet face, Kageyama tried to push Kuroo, but the latter had a tight grip on his wrist and pulled him onto his lap with a smile.

  
One of Kuroo's hands rested on Kageyama's hip, fingers stroking the skin over the waistband of his jeans. The other was on the tabletop, wrapped around his mug of hot chocolate. Kageyama bit his lip hard and tried to scuttle off of Kuroo, but the hold on him was too tight. Sighing in defeat, Kageyama leaned his head onto Kuroo's shoulder and watched his adam's apple move as he took a gulp of hot chocolate.

  
"What are you doing?" Kageyama whispered, his mouth near Kuroo's ear. "Kuroo. What is this _for_?"

  
Kuroo just turned and reached up to kiss Kageyama on the cheek quickly. "I think you meant to call me Tetsurou. And, isn't it obvious, _Kageyama_?" His name was stressed loudly, much louder than any other word in the sentence. On the mention of his ex-best friend's name, Hinata spun around in the booth and locked eyes with Kageyama.

  
"I mean," Kuroo continued, "We are on a date!"

  
Kageyama blushed hard but nodded. "Yes...we are."

  
"Right." Kuroo collected a bite of chocolate cake on his fork and held it out in front of Kageyama. "For you."

  
Kageyama leaned forward and closed his lips around the fork, smoothing it off of the tines. Kuroo laughed and the hand on Kageyama's side slipped up his shirt a little, hand resting just under his ribs. A sensation like a thousand pop rocks kicked up in his stomach, lighting up something inside of him. Kageyama clamped his lips shut, certain that if he opened his mouth, sparkles would come out or something. Kuroo would find that disgusting.

  
Hinata and Tsukishima untangled their limbs from each other and stared stonily at Kuroo and Kageyama. Kuroo smirked and muttered into Kageyama's ear, "Are they jealous yet? Oh, and what are their names?"

  
"Hinata is the orange-haired dick, he's my old best friend. Tsukishima is the blond-haired bastard."

  
"Nice descriptions."

  
"I think so too."

  
"Now, tangle your fingers in my hair."

  
"Excuse me?" Kageyama huffed, trying to shift into a comfortable position on Kuroo's lap. "Why?"

  
Kuroo fixed Kageyama with a blank look. "We're making them jealous because we are trashy as hell. Okay, now."

  
Sighing, Kageyama lifted his hands off of Kuroo's shoulders and tangled his fingers in Kuroo's dark hair. He was pleasantly surprised. Kageyama had expected his fingers to be covered in sticky hair gel and product, but instead Kuroo's hair was soft to the touch.

  
"I can't believe it," Kageyama gasped. "That mess is natural? You don't use gel?"

  
Kuroo looked offended. "Of course not! I would never put products on my hair! I just wake up and it's like this. Even if I brush it, it doesn't lie flat."

  
Kageyama made a pleased noise in his throat. "That's good. I don't think I could imagine you with flat hair like mine. You look nice like this, anyway." His fingers continued to comb through Kuroo's hair while the latter made happy sounds like a cat. Kuroo's hair was so thick that Kageyama's fingers pressed into the glossy hair, only to emerge after running his hands down Kuroo's neck.

  
Kuroo's eyes were closed in bliss, his head tilted back. Kageyama swallowed as he saw the defined jawline, Kuroo's lips separating with a sigh, and he knew that it was the right thing to do when he pressed a kiss to Kuroo's temple.

  
Tsukishima and Hinata murmured crossly, and then Hinata jumped into Tsukishima's lap and kissed the life out of him. A very startled Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Hinata and kissed back, allowing his glasses to be taken off and placed on the table behind them. Not to be outdone, Kageyama slammed his lips onto Kuroo's.

  
Kuroo's lips are warm. They aren't like the fire that threatened to hurt me. They're calm and gentle, and he's steady unrelenting heat in the middle of a storm.

  
 _I like kissing Kuroo_.

  
Kageyama's fists closed around Kuroo's hair, tugging it upwards. Kuroo's hands tightened on Kageyama's waist, thumbs digging into his hipbones. While he had stretched, Kageyama's shirt had risen up and Kuroo took this oppurtunity to run his palms over Kageyama's back. When they broke apart with a laugh and a gasp, Kuroo dove straight back in again. His mouth lay small kisses all over Kageyama's neck and down his collarbones, until the neckline of his shirt wouldn't go any lower. With a bright red face, Kageyama pulled on Kuroo's hair until their lips met again, the taste of chocolate everywhere.

  
"W-wait, Kageyama, wait," Kuroo pleaded as Kageyama kissed just under Kuroo's ear. With a gasp of surrender, Kuroo said, "I need to know if this is okay for you."

  
"Of course it is," Kageyama muttered breathlessly, his hair messy and eyes bright. "It's what I want."

  
With a smile, Kuroo caught Kageyama's lower lips between his own and sucked hard enough to leave a bruise. Kageyama's hands rested on Kuroo's chest, so when they left each others' lips he fell against him with a gasp. Kuroo's hands trailed up and down Kageyama's sides in comforting motions, until their heartbeats slowed.

  
"Are you okay?"

  
"Yeah." Kageyama pressed his face into Kuroo's shirt. "I'm okay."

  
Kuroo chuckled. "That was pretty intense."

  
"I guess it was."

  
"You're a good kisser."

  
"It was all you." Kageyama's face burned.

  
Kuroo shook his head teasingly. "It takes two. Our kissing skills are on par."

  
"I'll accept that."

  
Their drinks long cold, Kuroo and Kageyama decided to leave the cafe. The servers were giving them amused, knowing looks, and the pair had the awkward feeling that everyone had been watching them make out. They knew that they weren't mistaken when a guy called out, "I ship it!"

  
Kuroo had just laughed and bowed elegantly, leaving a red-faced Kageyama glaring at him.

  
The walk back to Kageyama's house was slow. Kuroo's fingers were laced with his, hearts pounding on the same wavelength. Kageyama wasn't a talker, and Hinata never understood that. He would always jump on Kageyama and try to make him talk when he really didn't want to. But Kuroo talked enough for the both of them - his stories which seemed to get funnier with each day, the jokes that failed but still made him crack a small smile.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Kageyama was having dinner with his mother. She looked very impressed, and Kageyama sighed and put his fork down.

  
"What?"

  
"Nothing, nothing," Mrs. Kageyama beamed, chewing on a piece of broccoli. "You just look happy."

  
"Mom." he blushed. "I do not."

  
"Yes, you do."

  
"I don't."

  
"You do!"

  
"It's because I love broccoli," Kageyama babbled, and stuffed five florets into his mouth. "Mmmm."

  
"Right," Mrs. Kageyama winked at her son. "You bagged a nice one, Tobio. I do like Officer Kuroo. He's lovely, isn't he? And he makes you smile so much. Your eyes haven't glittered like that for a while."

  
"Mom..." Kageyama covered his face with a hand. "Stop."

  
But Mrs. Kageyama had a frown on her face when she said, "I wasn't sure about the age difference. What is it, eight years? Still, just by looking at your face, I can tell that it doesn't matter to you. Have you kissed him yet? You look like you have."

  
"I haven't!" Kageyama protested, but the bruise on his lip was sore, and when he stretched the skin to yell, pain jolted through his body. With a yelp, he touched his lip, but his mother was already screaming and running around.

  
"You've kissed him! Tobio, you've made out with Kuroo!"

  
"So what?" Kageyama whined. "Mommy, please just finish eating! Stop talking about Kuroo!"

  
Mrs. Kageyama just blinked at him. "But you made out with a hot police officer. I think this calls for celebration."

  
With fire in his eyes and anger in his veins, Kageyama hissed, "We will celebrate after the broccoli is gone."

  
Just as they had resumed eating, the doorbell rang. Kageyama assured his mother that he would get it and rushed to the door, flinging it open.

There stood Hinata, fists clenched and eyebrows furrowed.

  
Kageyama and Hinata stared at each other for a moment until Mrs. Kageyama called, "Tobio, honey. Who is it?"

  
"Just somebody from school," Kageyama shouted back, and had the pleasure of seeing Hinata visibly flinch.

  
"I need to talk to you." Hinata whispered, fingers playing anxiously with his sleeves. "Please."

  
Kageyama sighed and welcomed Hinata in, telling him to shut the door. Once Hinata had shut it quietly, they ran up the stairs together like old times, timing their steps exactly. It hurt something inside Kageyama to know that Hinata still remembered the rythm that became their summer, footsteps thudding on carpet and wood, the sound of friendship.  
In Kageyama's room, Hinata perched stiffly on the edge of Kageyama's bed. Kageyama sat on the desk chair, glaring at Hinata.

  
Stupidly, Hinata broke the silence.

  
"So...was that your boyfriend, today?"

  
Kageyama nodded.

  
"Oh." Hinata cleared his throat. "Do you like him?"

  
"Obviously I fucking do," Kageyama snapped. "Otherwise I wouldn't call him my boyfriend."

  
Hinata's smile was sly. "Ha. You're just as funny as you were then."

  
"You were the funny one. I was just the idiot that followed you around." Kageyama said.

  
"Hey, hey, let's not get so intense," Hinata waved his hands up and down. "Calm down, Kageyama. You had your own charming little quirks, and I had mine. We were good kids."

  
"Stop talking like a weirdo and tell me what you came here for."

  
Hinata just sighed. "Kageyama, you're still in love with me. I could sense it in the cafe, just a little. But now that we're alone..." Hinata stood and moved over to Kageyama, bending at the waist to look him in the eye. "I can smell the love you have for me...and it's rolling off of you in waves."

  
"I don't love you!" Kageyama retorted, kicking the chair further away from Hinata. "Not anymore, anyway."

  
"But that love was there once," Hinata continued, eyes wide and unseeing. "Kageyama, you still love me."

  
"I don't!"

  
"You do, and that scares you."

  
"You're wrong." Kageyama whispers, but his lips are captured by Hinata's, and he can taste mint and not chocolate and it's so strange that it hurts, it hurts something deep inside of him in a pleasant yet painful sort of way.

  
"You love me." Hinata's hands ran through Kageyama's hair, trying to soothe him. "Everything about me appeals to you. Doesn't it?"

  
"Yes." Kageyama murmured, allowing Hinata's lips to pepper kisses on his jawline. "Yes, you're right."

  
"Do you want to go out with me?" Hinata slipped onto Kageyama's lap, thighs on either side of Kageyama's hips. "And do...other things with me?"

  
"Of course." Kageyama swallowed audibly. "Everything." His fingers tenderly brushed Hinata's hair out of his eyes, and they both stared at each other. Their heartbeats weren't on the same wavelength. Hinata's was slow and bored, a lazy beat accentuated by the look of boredom in his eyes, but Kageyama's heart was fast and excited, the tune of a happy occasion.

  
"Dump your guy." Hinata sucked on Kageyama's earlobe, his hands rubbing his shoulders.

  
Kageyama wrinkled his nose. "Why would I do that?" He let out a sigh as Hinata sucked harder.

  
"Because, silly," Hinata laughed, smacking Kageyama's shoulder, "You love me!"

  
Kageyama started to laugh, eyes shut and head thrown back. Hinata's kisses were heaven, fire hot and unyielding, and he loved it. It was everything he had ever imagined it would be. Threatening to wipe every memory out of his head but Hinata, Hinata's mouth and eyes and skin. Hinata was gorgeous.

  
But Hinata wasn't a permanent bedhead and dark hair and free, happy smiles and chocolate kisses and gentle hands and warm palms and steady warmth and love. He wasn't vibrant and charismatic, not like Kuroo. Not to mention the tanned skin and sly smirk and toned arms and beautiful confessions and _oh god what the fuck am I doing_ -

  
Kageyama pushed Hinata off of him and onto the floor. Ignoring Hinata's cries of pain, he bent down, grabbed the front of his shirt and held him up at eye level, ignoring the tiny feet kicking his knees.

  
"K-Kageyama, let go of me!"

  
"You're fucking disgusting," Kageyama laughed, hand gripping Hinata's shirt tighter. The neckline closed terribly around Hinata's neck, leaving the boy gasping and kicking his legs for breath.

  
 _Good. Let him drown in all of the lies he's ever told._

  
"You're fucking terrible, Hinata Shouyou. Even your awful trashy boyfriend deserves better than whatever the hell you are. I'm surprised that there is someone out there that loves you. God knows that you don't deserve it."

  
"I _don't_ -" Hinata struggled. "I don't k-know _what_ -"

  
"You deserve everything bad that happens to you!" Kageyama shook Hinata. "I don't know who you think I am. But we're not friends anymore, and you shouldn't spread that filthy mouth of yours around. I wonder what Tsukishima would say if he heard about this."

  
"Don't, p-please don't tell him, Kageyama!" Tears ran down Hinata's cheeks. " _Please_!"

  
Kageyama dropped Hinata suddenly, letting him fall to the floor in a heap. While he tried to catch his breath again, Kageyama began to speak.  
"Don't come back here ever again. You picked an idiot over me. I could have given you everything, and if I couldn't give you something, I would have tried my best to get it. I don't love you anymore, and you're too late."

  
"That's not what your kisses said," Hinata wheezed, grabbing his throat. "You were desparate, and you wanted me. I don't know what you think you see in your new boyfriend, but that isn't love. He's a replacement for me, _isn't he_?"

  
Kageyama's eyes flashed. "How fucking dare you-"

  
Hinata held up a hand. "I'm not picking another fight with you. I just know I'm right, and you know it too." He stood up and winced, rubbing his neck. "I'll show myself out."  
After Hinata left, Kageyama took a heavy textbook and threw it at the door, listening to the harsh thud. He fell to his knees and held back his tears, pulling his phone out of his pocket and sending a quick message to his favourite number.

 

>   
> _**The children's playground on the corner of West. Can you make it?** _

  
Within seconds, there was a reply.

 

>   
> **_For you, yes_**.

  
Tears blurred his vision as Kageyama grabbed a jacket, pulled on some shoes and left, the door flying open, exposing his hurt for the world to see.

 

* * *

  
Kuroo was waiting for him at the swings. He was still dressed in his date outfit as he kicked his legs back and forth lazily. But he wasn't a kid anymore, so his feet dragged on the floor and shattered the illusion of flying that he'd had in his childhood.

  
Then there was a cry in the distance, and Kuroo looked up just as Kageyama slammed into him. They both fell backwards off of the swing, Kageyama on top of Kuroo. Dust covered their shirts as Kageyama cried helplessly, untable to stop the tears.

  
"Shit! Shit, Kageyama, what's wrong?" Kuroo asked frantically, trying to wipe away Kageyama's tears with his fingertips. "What happened? Tell me!"  
Kageyama just shook his head and cried some more, so Kuroo sighed and held him tighter. "It's okay, Kageyama. I'm here for you. When you've calmed down, will you tell me what happened?"

  
When he received no response other than feverish trembling, Kuroo nodded. "It's no problem, Kageyama. I won't rush you or anything. I like you, a lot."

  
When he tried to return the words this time, they wouldn't come out. Kageyama felt as though his throat was closing, his feelings stuck somewhere he couldn't reach, his heart torn two ways. As he looked up into the dark eyes that he knew only saw him in the best of lights, he thought,

  
 _are you really a replacement?_


	6. my hand turns to the next page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The first train of the day, and a sparse bit of happiness...  
> Hey, today is today, and that won't change.  
> There really must be something wrong with me."
> 
> \- Blue Bookmark, Galileo Galilei

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took so long. i am so sorry. but to all of you who messaged me constantly and gave me motivation to write this, you all deserve medals and many goats.thank you so much for staying with me. i decided to get this out because haikyuu ended today and it hurt me so bad. ah, i can't believe it! i've been watching it since april and now it's over.but i have learned tons of life lessons from haikyuu, so hopefully i will never forget it, ever.
> 
> here is the new chapter. i hope you guys like it, and thank you one more time for all of the comments, kudos and supportive messages! if you want to talk or send prompts, i'm thekingrakuzan on tumblr, AW YISS.

Kuroo held Kageyama close, one hand in his hair and another on his back as the tears hit Kuroo's shoulder. He tried rubbing his hand up and down over the smooth fabric of Kageyama's shirt, but he was too far gone to be consoled. Kageyama's eyes were red and bloodshot, face puffy and blotchy after hours of crying.

  
The sun had long since risen, the light splashing the childrens' playground with red. The red light mixed with the colours of Kuroo's shirt until he had no idea where the world ended and he began. All Kuroo knew was that he loved the crying boy in his arms.

  
"Kageyama."

  
The sniffling, tired lump in Kuroo's arms howled, fingers scrabbling at Kuroo's shirt. They were sitting by the old swings, Kuroo cross-legged and Kageyama in his lap, legs around his body. The wind blew cold around them, but Kageyama had made no move to leave, and Kuroo wasn't about to push him away, despite the feeling that he was coming down with a cold.

  
" _Kageyama_."

  
Kageyama just pulled his face away from Kuroo's shoulder, the shirt sticking to his face. Kuroo placed his hands on either side of Kageyama's face and smiled gently, letting Kageyama know that he could take all the time he needed to become himself again.

  
"Kageyama, will you please tell me what's going on? I think it's around four now, and your mother has probably noticed that you're missing. I don't want to face her wrath without knowing why."

  
Those dark blue eyes in front of him held so much pain and fear that Kuroo felt something inside him break.

"Listen, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you. Don't you want help? Do you _like_ feeling like this?"

  
Kageyama cried harder, so Kuroo shook him a little. "Kageyama, tell me, now!"

  
"No," Kageyama responded, tears running tracks down his cheeks and down the corners of his mouth, down his jawline and deep into his shirt, staining the fabric. "I-I don't _want_ to feel like this, but he's just _so_ -" He broke off, heaving. "I- he c-came to my house, and I didn't know what to _do_!"

  
"Hinata?" Kuroo asks, gently. "Your best friend?"

  
Kageyama bit down hard on his bottom lip, tears still falling. Kuroo sighed and leaned forward to kiss Kageyama's neck. His head fell forward onto Kuroo's shoulder, and they held each other for a little while longer, Kuroo asking questions.

  
"Why did he show up at your house?"

  
"I don't know." Kageyama's throat is dry, scratchy. "I don't know."

  
"Did he hurt you?" Kuroo's eyes flashed with worry.

  
"He didn't."

  
"Did you hurt him?"

  
Kageyama's eyes widened.

  
Kuroo noted Kageyama's hesitation and sighed. "Well, Kageyama, hurting people isn't good. It seriously doesn't back up our nice, good-guy personalities if we hurt others. I don't know what you did to Hinata, but if you hurt him, then it would be good if you apologised. I don't know you that well, but I know you well enough to guess that you were probably provoked. Yeah?"

  
"He kissed me, Kuroo."

  
"He what."

  
Kuroo's body stiffened, and Kageyama lifted his head to look up into his eyes. Kuroo's usually soft, gentle eyes were hard and angry, so Kageyama pressed a sweet kiss onto his lips and muttered, "It's okay, Kuroo. He just kissed me once, but I hated it. I hated it because he wasn't you."

  
"He kissed you, Kageyama."

"Yeah." Sobs welled up in Kageyama's throat. "I didn't want him to, but he did anyway, and I hate him! I love _you_ , Kuroo, not him!"

  
Time stopped.

  
Kuroo's once-tight arms around Kageyama's waist slackened, his mouth falling open and eyes opening impossibly wide. Kageyama could feel his heartbeat thud in his shoes. He was aware of every nerve ending on his body. Kageyama's senses were on overdrive as his fingers slipped off of Kuroo's shoulders, the material smooth under his fingertips. The breeze that blew inbetween them seemed impossibly hot, while electricity shocked their hearts into motion.

  
"Y-you _love_ me-"

  
"N-n-no, I _don't_ , it just came out-"

  
They both looked at each other and began to laugh, quiet at first and then loud and raucous.

  
It was obvious. He loved Kuroo.

  
Kuroo, with his dark thick hair, so thick that Kageyama could lose his fingertips along his scalp, happily stroking while the other purred like a cat. Black eyes that should be fathomless but were instead welcoming, bright and friendly. Kuroo's smooth, tanned skin and muscled forearms that always held Kageyama's body against his. That sly smile that shook you a little at first, but then set you at ease and had you smiling.

  
Kuroo felt exactly the same way.

  
His parents would surely have something to say about the eight-year age difference between the two, but Kuroo knew that he wouldn't care. All he saw was that smile, rare but the most pleasing sight to the eyes. Inky-black silky hair that flopped across a flawless forehead. A slim, svelte body but tall and strong. Collarbones that felt like knives under Kuroo's hands. Eyes the colour of a raging ocean, but Kuroo had always found the distressed waves of the sea fascinating.

  
Their lips found each other before they knew what was happening. Kageyama felt his back come into contact with the hard-pressed dirt of the playground floor. Kuroo hovered over him, one leg between Kageyama's thighs, inching higher every time. Hands wandered all over his body - Kuroo slipped a hand under his shirt and delicately touched his ribs, while the other smoothed Kageyama's hair back. Breaking apart for air, Kageyama massaged Kuroo's shoulders, laying kisses just under his ear. With twice as much force, Kuroo kissed Kageyama's lips.

  
Then Kageyama could feel teeth and tongue and pressing fingertips on his waist. His heartbeat sped up and his head felt lighter, flying through the stars with Kuroo...

  
"Oh, God! Kageyama, stay with me! Stay with me, Kageyama!" A hand slapped his cheek. "Don't _faint_!"

  
"Hah. You're hot." Kageyama murmured, before the stars faded away.

 

* * *

  
When Kageyama awoke, he was lying on the couch in his living room, and the clock read one pm. The television had the volume on the lowest setting, and the faint buzz of a man's voice as he sold antiques added some background noise.

  
Of course, there was already enough background noise. What with Kageyama's mother shouting at Kuroo and Kageyama's loud stomach grumbling.

  
"What do you mean Tobio ' _just fainted_ '?" Mrs. Kageyama's voice was loud and angry.

  
There was a petrified mewl, and even in his dizzy state Kageyama knew that it belonged to his idiot boyfriend.

  
"W-w-well, he _fainted_ , that's what I mean!"

  
"How _did_ he faint?"

  
"Um. He-"

  
" _Kuroo_."

  
"I...well...I think I kissed him too hard! I was getting really happy so I just applied a little more pressure and the next thing I know, wham, he's clocking out on me. He just fell into my arms. It was sort of cute."

  
"You _kissed my son to death_?" Kageyama could just imagine the murderous look on his mother's face.

  
" _What?_! No, he's still alive, I think."

  
"You _think_?"

  
Kageyama could hear banging cupboard doors and a loud yelp from Kuroo, so he hurriedly got up and walked to the kitchen, dizziness plaguing him.

  
What a nice sight he was met with.

  
His mother was holding a colinder and wooden spoon, raised above her head like a sword and shield. Her eyes were blazing with anger and a cruel smirk spanned her lips as she glared down at Kuroo.

  
Kuroo was squealing in an alarmingly high pitch, kicking his legs out as he shuffled into the corner near the garden door. He waved his arms around and screamed for Kageyama.

  
"Kageyama! Kageyama ohmygod please save me from your mother I'll buy you chocolate forever!" He shrieked, covering his face with his hands. "Kageyama!"

  
"Don't rely on Tobio to save you, you nerd," Mrs. Kageyama barked. "I'll _beat the shit_ -"

  
And then they both spun around to see Kageyama standing at the kitchen door, eyes wide and mouth open. In the space of a few seconds, Mrs. Kageyama had thrown the colinder back into the cupboard and placed the wooden spoon back into the untensils pot. Kuroo scrambled off of the floor and straightened out his shirt. Mrs. Kageyama then ran over to Kuroo and hugged him happily, the fakest of smiles on her face.

  
"Ah, Tobio! I've just been bonding with your boyfriend." She dug an elbow into Kuroo's gut.

  
Kuroo grunted. "Y-your mother is so awesome, Kageyama," he agreed. "Haha. Just like you."

  
"Don't flirt with my son in front of me!" Mrs. Kageyama stomped on Kuroo's foot.

  
"Gah!"

  
"Wow, and now you're whining like a pansy. Are you sure that you can protect my son?"

  
"Of course I can!"

  
"Those biceps aren't even all that impressive."

  
"Yes they are! I do weights! _Heavy_ weights!"

  
"Do you have steady income?"

  
"Um. Yes?"

  
"Now why do you not sound sure about that?"

  
On seeing Kuroo visibly sweat, Kageyama decided to interrupt. "Uh. Mom. Kuroo. Sorry, I'm hungry."

  
Their eyes softened, and Kuroo left Mrs. Kageyama's side to wrap his arms around Kageyama. Kageyama sighed as he hugged Kuroo, leaning into his body. "Mom, can we cook dinner?"

  
"You and Kuroo?" Mrs. Kageyama asked, surprised. "Sure, you can. Would you like my help, Tobio?"

  
Kageyama shook his head. "No, Mom. We'll be fine."

 

* * *

  
A few hours later, the cooking was going smoothly. Mrs. Kageyama had gone upstairs to clean, and Kuroo and Kageyama were working quietly in the kitchen.  
Kageyama cut the vegetables quickly into small, thin slices. He always tried to be as neat as possible, ordering the little piles of vegetables into groups on the edges of the chopping board, but now his job was done. Kuroo wouldn't hear of Kageyama doing anymore because he didn't want to tire him out, so Kageyama was bored.

  
"Kageyama, could you bring the vegetables over?"

  
Picking up the chopping board, Kageyama went over to the stove and handed it over to Kuroo. His boyfriend looked the epitome of stylish with yesterday's clothes, that stupid bedhead and a kitchen towel draped over his shoulder. Kageyama stood behind Kuroo and hugged his back, nose between his shoulder blades. Kuroo laughed quietly and turned to kiss Kageyama's forehead. "Are you okay?"

  
"Yes." Kageyama's arms tightened around Kuroo as he continued to stir the contents of the pot. "Kuroo, thank you for being here."

  
"It's nothing!" Kuroo laughed loudly, and Kageyama felt his abdominal muscles contract. They were hard and toned, and Kageyama felt the dizzy sensation return, but in a good way.

  
"Can I stir for a while? I feel useless."

  
"You are not," Kuroo said playfully, but his eyes were kind as he pulled Kageyama over to his front. One of Kuroo's hands was linked with Kageyama's, while his other hand rested on Kageyama's hips. Slowly, Kageyama stirred the spoon around the pot, hoping that he was doing this right. There had to be some kind of technique, right?

  
"You're overthinking it. It's just cooking, Kageyama! Stir away." Kuroo's front was against Kageyama's back, so the deep pitch of Kuroo's voice resonated through Kageyama's body. Taking Kuroo's advice, Kageyama stirred without thinking anything over. The only thing he knew in that moment was that the person standing behind him loved him, and that was all that mattered.

  
Lips connected with the side of his neck and Kageyama closed his eyes. "Kuroo. I'm cooking."

  
"And I'm kissing you." Kuroo's eyes glittered.

  
"Not now," Kageyama's smile was tired. "Do you want me to ruin this?"

  
"Then let me take care of it."

  
Then there were hands spinning him around like he was a dancer and this was the dancefloor, and he landed with his face pressed into Kuroo's neck. Kageyama was pulled up by his thighs and placed onto the countertop next to the stove. Kuroo kissed his nose quickly and then returned to stirring the food. Leaving the food to simmer, Kuroo stepped in between Kageyama's legs and captured his bottom lip between his teeth. Sucking slowly, Kuroo's hands massaged Kageyama's arms.

  
"Kuroo." Kageyama gasped as Kuroo pulled the neckline of his shirt down with his teeth.

  
"Hm?" Kuroo's hands slipped up Kageyama's shirt.

  
"Nothing. I forgot." A blissful sigh escaped his mouth. "Carry on."

  
"Of course." Kuroo flicked a hand out to turn down the gas setting and pulled Kageyama right against him, thighs on either side of Kuroo's hips. Kageyama's face was coloured red with embarrassment, but Kuroo kissed it away as his hands lifted up Kageyama's shirt right up under his armpits.

  
When the hot air of the kitchen hit his stomach, Kageyama hurriedly pulled his shirt down and looked down at his legs, tears pooling in his eyes.

  
"No, I don't want to," he said weakly, hoping Kuroo would understand. "I don't want you to see me now."

  
Kuroo's eyes had widened, surprised, but he let nothing slip in his next few words. "That's fine. You take your time, Kageyama. I love you." He rubbed a thumb along Kageyama's jawline, smiling, and returned to cooking while Kageyama swung his legs back and forth, calves thumping against the cupboard.

 

* * *

  
"You boys have done a wonderful job!" Mrs. Kageyama clapped her hands excitedly at the food on the table. The cutlery was laid out neatly and glasses of cool water had been brought in by Kuroo. He had made Kageyama sit at the table early so that he didn't get too tired, and Kageyama was grateful, but he felt bad that he'd made Kuroo do all the work.

  
Kuroo scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Thanks, Mrs. Kageyama! Hope you like it. It's meat and vegetable hot pot. With tons of broccoli because Kageyama said he loves it."

  
"No I didn't!" Kageyama protested. "I hate broccoli!"

"But you were salivating over it," Kuroo reasoned.

  
"Was not."

  
"Yes, you were!"

  
"No, I wasn't."

  
"There was a stream of water coming out of your mouth. Honest."

  
Kageyama rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. I love broccoli. Now, come sit." He patted the chair next to him.

  
They all sat down and began to eat. Kageyama soon found out that Kuroo was the messiest eater on the planet. With cake, he seemed very dignified and ate neatly with a fork. But away from the eyes of the public, Kuroo splashed meat into his mouth with the speed of a hurricane and sloshed water down his throat while picking up yet another piece of broccoli. Some of the sauce hit Kageyama in the face, staining his already dirty shirt, and Kageyama was so done.

  
"You eat like a maniac!" Kageyama scolded Kuroo, pulling his chopsticks out of his hands. "Here." He picked up the piece of broccoli and held it against Kuroo's lips. Eyes still on Kageyama's, Kuroo opened his mouth and Kageyama placed the piece of broccoli in easily. Slowly, Kuroo felt himself move closer, head turning to the side, lips parting, and Kageyama could feel his hands snaking out, itching to grab Kuroo's shoulders.

  
Mrs. Kageyama cleared her throat, so the two just looked down at their plates and began to eat. But it wasn't long before the questions started, and Kageyama supposed that the answers were fun to hear.

  
"How were your grades?"

  
Kuroo gulped. "Pretty good, actually. In all three of my years at Nekoma, I ranked second."

  
"Second?"

  
Kuroo began to sweat. "Well, yeah, because my best friend was a genius. Nobody could beat him."

  
"What do you do in your free time?" Mrs. Kageyama stabbed a piece of broccoli threateningly.

  
"I like cooking, reading, playing the piano, visiting restaurants and watching movies," Kuroo responded.

  
"How interesting. Have you always wanted to work for the police force?"

  
"Ah, no," Kuroo muttered, taking a long drink of water. "I wanted to be a professional volleyball player, for the national team. But I couldn't follow my dream, because I injured my knee in a match. It was during the nationals. I served as team captain."

  
"Team captain?" Mrs. Kageyama smiled brightly. "Then you must be a seme."

  
Kuroo spluttered.

  
"So you're not a seme, then? Are you just going to sit back and let Tobio do all of the work?"

  
"I'm definitely a seme!" Kuroo whined. "Kageyama even looks like an uke!"

  
Kageyama was confused. Top or bottom? What did that mean? He liked trousers but he also liked shirts. Surely you could like both, otherwise people would just be running around wearing t-shirts or jeans. How weird.

  
Kuroo's face was bright red and he was shouting something about broccoli when the doorbell rang. Mrs. Kageyama gestured for Kuroo to sit and went to get the door. Kageyama placed a hand on Kuroo's face and smiled at him. Furtively glancing from side to side, Kuroo kissed his boyfriend's forehead and cherished the adorable sigh he let out.  
There were mumbles at the door, and then footsteps followed. As soon as Kageyama saw the person standing there in the hallway clutching a dish of apple crumble, his heart stopped.

  
It was Hinata, and he looked beautiful. His orange hair didn't look frizzy and uncontrollable like it always did. Now, his hair was a silky dark orange, tamed by mousse and hair products. It was pushed back but fell forward over his eyes in taunting waves. Hinata wore a white shirt with a black cardigan over it, the sleeves falling past his hands. Skinny black jeans were on his legs, the material tight against his skin, his skin pale with an ethereal glow.

  
As soon as Hinata made eye contact with Kuroo and Kageyama, he stiffened and his back straightened out of its lazy slouch. Kuroo placed a hand on Kageyama's thigh and stared back, eyes alert and focused.

  
Mrs. Kageyama just beamed and introduced Hinata to Kuroo.

  
"This is Tobio's best friend, Shouyou," she exclaimed, her cheeks pink. "They've been best friends for eleven years, still going strong." Mrs. Kageyama turned back to Hinata. "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

  
Hinata shook his head and smiled. "I haven't asked my mother's permission, Mitsuki," he politely refused. "Sorry, but I can't stay."

  
"Nonsense!" Kageyama's mother took the apple crumble dish out of Hinata's hands and placed it onto the table, waving Hinata into a seat. "Naruko would say yes! Now, eat up. Kuroo and Kageyama made beef and broccoli hot pot, there's enough for everybody! I'll go get more water from the kitchen."

  
Still protesting, Hinata sat next to Mrs. Kageyama's vacant seat, opposite Kageyama. Kuroo offers to serve Hinata, and Kageyama has to watch as his loving boyfriend unkowingly serves the boy who broke Kageyama's heart.

  
"Hello, Shouyou," Kuroo sang. "I'm Kuroo, Kageyama's boyfriend. It's nice to meet you, finally."

  
Hinata's eyes widened. _So that's the way he wants to play it. We both act like nothing happened_.

  
"Hi, Kuroo!" Hinata grinned, giving him a happy little wave. "I've heard so much about you from Kageyama."

  
"Really?" Kuroo blushed, and Kageyama silently gave the guy an oscar for his brilliant acting. "Well, God, I'm flattered. This coming from the amazing Shouyou? I couldn't possibly compete with the bond you two have!"

  
"Well, you are," Hinata's smile was plastic as he tightly gripped his chopsticks. "In fact, I'm guessing that you were the reason why Kageyama skipped school today."

  
"What a horrible accusation," Kuroo's gaze was ice. "Thank you, Shouyou."

  
"I really have to hand it to you," Hinata continued, picking up a piece of meat. "You're, like, forty and still out there dating. Good for you, living that bachelor life. Tell me, are you having fun?"

  
"I'm twenty-five!" Kuroo burst out, obviously offended. "I'm not a dinosaur!"

  
"With all due respect-" just shut up, idiot, Kageyama thought -"I think that Kageyama should date someone much closer in age to him. He's only seventeen." Hinata's eyes were fire and slowly, Kuroo was roasting.

  
"I...I know, I'm not exactly a teenager, but..." Kuroo looked hurt, his eyes dark and wounded.

  
"Not exactly a teenager?" Hinata narrowed his eyes. "You're not even a university student. You're much older than that. I don't know if this is some kind of sugar daddy fetish, but it's not going to work."

  
"Sugar daddy fetish? No, I..." Kuroo looks broken, and Kageyama's heart stops. In that moment, he wanted to jump out of his seat, punch Hinata in the face, and then kiss his boyfriend senseless.

  
Why not go through with the last part?

  
Grabbing the collar of Kuroo's shirt, Kageyama pulled their mouths together into a harsh kiss. It has hands on thighs, stomachs, backs, faces, necks, fingers running through hair and lips all over collarbones, but it's them and their heartbeats.

  
He can feel Kuroo's love for him in every single one of those touches, especially the fingers that stroke his ribs, touching carefully over his heart, and it  
They hear a clattering sound and break apart to see Hinata running for the door, food abandoned. Kageyama felt tears well up in his eyes as his mother came back in with a jug of water, a confused look on her face. She began to ask Kuroo for Hinata's whereabouts, but Kageyama was crying before he knew what was going on.

  
Kuroo grabbed Kageyama's hand and pulled him out of his seat and into his arms. Kageyama was choking on his words now, grabbing Kuroo's shirt as if he were air.

  
"What's wrong, Kageyama? Tell me!" Kuroo looked frightened. "Kageyama? Tobio?"

  
"Upstairs, Tetsurou," Kageyama could feel his knees getting weaker. "My room." He had cried too much in such a short period of time, and exhaustion was coming for him. "P-please."

  
Kuroo grabbed Kageyama's legs and upper body and carried him upstairs, watching his eyelids close and breathing slow down. As soon as they shut themselves up in Kageyama's bedroom, their lips were all over the place and it was amazing. Kuroo had laid Kageyama down gently on the bed, throwing any textbooks or clothes onto the floor. And then their hearts were on fire.

  
Kuroo supported himself on his forearms and leaned over Kageyama. Kageyama's eyes were wide and wet, so Kuroo kissed the tears away. He smoothed back the now messy hair that covered his face and kissed everywhere he could. Kageyama laughed quietly as Kuroo kissed his ear. But then his hands were in Kuroo's hair, the nails dragging along his scalp, and Kuroo went crazy.

  
He lay kisses all over Kageyama's slim shoulders and beautiful neck, and he loved the way that Kageyama shivered under his hands. When he pulled up Kageyama's shirt to reveal a tanned, toned stomach, Kageyama let him, and so off came his shirt. Kuroo sat back and admired the sight that was Kageyama Tobio.

  
He was slim, but strong. Kuroo could see the lean muscles under the skin, pulled taut. Eyes shut in blissful happiness. Chest rising and falling with every breath he took. Messy, silky hair, artfully falling in the right places. And he was under Kuroo, with Kuroo, right on this bed.

  
Kuroo felt Kageyama's hands trail along his arms, and he was jolted back to reality. He skimmed his hands over Kageyama's sides, fingers delicately tracing his ribs. Kuroo scattered open-mouthed, hot kisses along his chest, licking his collarbones. At one point he used a fair amount of teeth, and Kageyama moaned breathlessly into Kuroo's neck.  
Kageyama had his fingers twisted into Kuroo's hair, pulling every time Kuroo did something that he liked. His legs were around Kuroo's waist, thighs tight against his sides.

Kuroo stopped for a moment, pulled his shirt off, and resumed kissing Kageyama. Their lips were sweet, slow and gentle against each others', their chests pressed together.  
Their mouths were getting lower and lower. Kuroo's tongue touched the waistband of Kageyama's jeans, and at that point Kuroo was so far gone it was laughable. Kageyama, the dazzling, gorgeous boy that could tempt Kuroo into death's sweet clutches, was unravelling under him, his voice quietly muttering one name under his breath.

  
 _Tetsurou. Tetsurou. Tetsurou_.

  
Kuroo's hands found the button of Kageyama's jeans, and he hesitated.

  
 _This boy is seventeen. You're twenty-five, Tetsurou. Stop._

  
"Why...why...why're you taking so long?" Kageyama's fingers joined Kuroo's, scrabbling uselessly over his jeans. "I can't find the button..."

  
Kuroo kissed his lips lovingly, smiling as bright as he could. "I got it."

  
Kageyama threw his head back with a sigh onto the covers, breathing heavily. "I love you."

  
"I love you too." Kuroo helped Kageyama slip his legs out of his jeans and then, all of a sudden, Kageyama was in his lap and kissing him furiously and oh my God.  
Kuroo's tongue was in Kageyama's mouth, pulling the strangest yet most amazing noises from his throat. Kageyama's arms were around Kuroo's neck, their sweat sticking skin together. Kuroo bent his head to suck a mark onto Kageyama's skin, and it was the best decision he'd ever made. Kageyama gasped, face red and eyes wide, and fell into Kuroo's arms, hair sticking up in all directions.

  
"Are you okay, Tobio?"

  
"I'm okay, Tetsurou."

  
"I love you."

  
"I love you too. Kiss me again?"

  
Kuroo laughed, but gave Kageyama yet another kiss. This time on the lips, slow and timeless and sparkling. "That's all you're going to get for now. Okay?"

  
"Rude," Kageyama groaned. "But I'm okay with it." He yawned, and Kuroo looked amused.

  
"Tired?"

  
"Yeah." Kageyama pressed his face into Kuroo's neck. "Can we go to sleep now?"

  
"'We'?" Kuroo was startled. "Tobio, I don't think I can-"

  
Kageyama's look was one of disbelief. "I don't believe you. I'm practically naked and sitting on your lap and you're saying that we can't sleep in the same bed. Impressive logic. Dumb boyfriend."

  
"And you're calling me rude," Kuroo chuckled, but he picked his shirt up off of the floor and handed it to Kageyama, who crawled off of his lap and put it on. The shirt was much too big, the sleeves trailing past Kageyama's hands and the hem halfway down his thighs, but it worked. Kuroo turned the light off and joined Kageyama under the covers, his arms wrapping around the body in front of him, their legs entwined.

  
"Hey."

  
"Yes, Tobio?"

  
"I'm glad that I met you."

  
"I'm glad that I met you too."


	7. you're unfair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you being selfish?   
> Your eyes, your nose, your lips  
> No matter how much I look, will they be pretty?  
> You’re unfair  
> Just stop right there
> 
> \- "Unfair", EXO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! That was such a long hiatus, and I'm sorry, seriously. I never forgot about this fanfic, I was just worried that I could never write anything as good as the previous chapters. I'm not sure how this chapter turned out, but I hope you guys like it. I feel like the previous chapters were just a spur of the moment, so I was scared about writing this one, but here you go.
> 
> Nekomajousai on Tumblr, everyone. Send me messages! And don't forget to leave comments! I've missed you all and I want to know what you think!

Kageyama woke up with a mouthful of Kuroo’s hair and an armful of hard abdomen. Kuroo was lazily sprawled over Kageyama’s body like a lazy cat, dark hair trailing into the boy’s mouth. Kageyama’s chest rose and fell with every breath, Kuroo’s body rising with his in perfect harmony. The deep purr of Kuroo’s snores reminded him that he wasn’t alone in that moment. The sun teasingly tickled the fabric of his curtains, bathing Kageyama’s room in the prettiest glow.

After what seemed like suffering an eternal punishment at the hands of his ex-best friend, Kageyama really needed something like this to show him what he lived for. The man that he was in love with, keeping him warm, and the soft cotton of his bedsheets against his arms. This is why he was alive – because of Kuroo.

“You up?”

Kuroo suddenly rose and arched his back like a cat, letting out a shuddering yawn as his bones clicked, joints popping. Kageyama watched, desire bubbling up in his chest as he watched Kuroo’s muscles tense deliciously. His boyfriend was just as strong physically as he was mentally, and Kageyama couldn’t help the surge of affection pushing through his veins. He lifted a hand to Kuroo’s head and stroked his hair lovingly.

“I’m up,” Kageyama answered, stretching his arms above his head and smiling contentedly. “It’s Saturday, right? Should we do something?”

Kuroo quickly landed a kiss on Kageyama’s cheek. “I have a plan,” he replied, pulling Kageyama closer and dotting a thousand kisses all over his face and neck. “We can go out, and do something fun…or we can stay right here, and that’ll be just as sweet.” Kuroo proceeded to grab Kageyama’s hands and kiss up and down his arms, with a few flicks of tongue.

Kageyama laughed. “I’d prefer actual food,” he retorted playfully, but he still shifted to accommodate Kuroo’s body in-between his legs. “But you know, whatever you’d like, kitty.” Kuroo rubs his cheek against Kageyama’s affectionately, feeling the blood rush under his lover’s skin.

“You’re really hot, but I want chocolate mousse right now. Sorry Kageyama.”

Kageyama kissed Kuroo back gently, catching his bottom lip between sparkling white teeth. “Understandable. Let’s go freshen up.”

“Or,” Kageyama wasn’t sure if he liked the strangely sexual glint in his boyfriend’s eyes, but meh. Kuroo was hot, so he went along with it. “I could lick you clean, from head to toe, in this bed. What would you say to that?”

Kageyama felt Kuroo’s tongue under his chin and laughed happily. “You’re so sexual now, Kuroo. Did your true side burst free last night?”

“Well, of course,” Kuroo grinned. “I was just unsure of doing anything sexual with you, you know. Because eight years is kind of a huge age gap, but I know that our feelings are genuine and you’re old enough to make your own decisions, so…if this is what you want, then I want it too. I just want you.”

Kageyama felt stardust in his lungs and glitter in his eyes. He felt his heart kick into overdrive, and his fingers twitch from their position on Kuroo’s muscled shoulders. His thighs tightened around Kuroo’s waist, and his face blushed a startling pink with love.

“I’m in love with you, Kuroo,” Kageyama began earnestly, “and you know how I feel whenever I look at you? I feel as useless as a photographer standing in front of a beautiful painting in an art gallery. There is no point in even attempting to capture an image of that beauty, because no photograph could ever do it justice. That’s how I feel about you.”

The room fell silent. The only sounds to be heard were Kuroo’s steady, deep breaths as they fanned Kageyama’s neck. Kageyama had squeezed his eyes shut after making his confession, and now he wasn’t sure whether he should feel embarrassed or not.

“God, I just love you so much, Tobio Kageyama.” Kuroo groaned.

The next thing he knew, Kageyama was tugged into a dark cotton bedsheet cave. Kuroo’s fingers interlocked with his, holding his hands tightly. The searing warmth of Kuroo’s hands relaxed him, and Kageyama gladly tightened his legs around the body in front of him. Kuroo’s unruly hair brushed his neck and jaw as he kissed Kageyama everywhere he could.

His forehead was pecked and caressed with those lips, Kageyama’s bangs brushed backwards and sticky with sweat. His eyes fluttered shut as Kuroo kissed the corners of his mouth, sucking on his bottom lip happily. Shining teeth caught the skin of Kageyama’s neck, delicious pressure creating marks on the flawless sunkissed skin. Purplish-red fireworks exploded all over Kageyama’s neck, Kuroo’s fingers carefully pulling the material of his shirt down to expose more skin.

“K-Kuroo…”Kageyama moaned, twisting his body from side to side. His body arched up off of the bed, shirt riding up along his stomach. “Take it off. _P-please_.”

“My pleasure.” With catlike grace, Kuroo had whipped his shirt off of Kageyama’s body and pressed kind kisses just over his heart, whispering his silent confessions into the cluster of emotions. Kageyama’s hands tugged at Kuroo’s hair, gasps and whines filling the Saturday morning silence.

Suddenly, the duvet was tugged off of the two boys, revealing sweaty limbs and damp hair.

Mitsuki Kageyama stood at the foot of her son’s bed, the ends of the duvet clutched in her hands and an amused smile on her face. Kageyama screamed and immediately grabbed Kuroo’s wide shoulders, hiding behind his body. Mitsuki only smiled, laughing internally as Kuroo grabbed her son’s pillow and slammed it in front of Kageyama’s nether regions. Judging by the pained look on Kageyama’s face, Kuroo had definitely hit something vital.

After a few more minutes of watching Kuroo kiss her trembling son in reassurance, Mitsuki cleared her throat. Kuroo nearly fell off of the bed in alarm.

“If you boys are done with your morning exercise,” she smiled, making Kuroo release a whimper – “then I hope you’ll join me downstairs for breakfast. Kuroo, make the tea and coffee, you pussy-ass hoe. Tobio, baby, take your time washing up! See you downstairs!”

With that, Kageyama’s mother left the two boys alone, dragging the bedsheet with her as she muttered about how to get “that dumbass police offer’s DNA” off of it.

Kageyama slowly uncurled his limbs from Kuroo’s body and sighed, a gentle smile creeping across his face. “My mother must approve of us,” he said, patting Kuroo’s shoulder. “Otherwise she would have thrown something at you. Like your own arm, after she rips it off.”

Kuroo gulped. “That’s nice, honey. Maybe you should go to the bathroom now, or something. I’ll go and get the tea and coffee ready so your mother doesn’t castrate me.”

With another kiss and a random slap on the butt from Kuroo, the boys parted – Kageyama disappeared into the bathroom with a fluffy bath towel, and Kuroo got dressed and made his way downstairs.

 

* * *

 

“Dumbass noodlehead. I said four spoons of coffee and a whole load of milk. What do you call that?” Kuroo felt the avocado hit his left buttcheek as he ran.

“Mrs. Kageyama! I put in a whole load of milk!” Kuroo cried as a leek hit his abs.

Picking up a packet of beetroot, Mrs. Kageyama bared her teeth. “Actually, Lieutenant Stupidity, you put in the wrong amount of milk. How are you dating my son if you can’t make Kageyama family coffee?”

“But you didn’t specify exactly how much ‘a whole load’ of milk actually was!” Kuroo dropped into a roll as the packet of beetroot was flung in his direction. “I tried my best, I’m sorry!”

“Your ‘best’ tastes like toe fungus,” Mrs. Kageyama hissed. “Clearly, I’m gonna have to slap a bitch today-”

“Mom? Kuroo?”

Mrs. Kageyama and Kuroo froze immediately on seeing Kageyama standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Kuroo quickly got up off of the floor and straightened his spine, cracking sore muscles in a few places. Mrs. Kageyama quickly put away her vegetable items and smiled at her son lovingly.

“Tobio! Kuroo and I were just making breakfast. What would you like?”

Kageyama looked around the kitchen and saw no food products out. Nothing was sizzling on the stove, the kettle wasn’t whistling. Random vegetables were scattered all over the floor.

Kuroo saw his boyfriend’s eyes linger on the vegetables and quickly came to the rescue. “Your mother and I were just trying to dehydrate the vegetables, for a healthy alternative to bacon.”

Kageyama wrinkled his nose and stepped forward to hug Kuroo, his hair slightly damp after his shower. His body smelled of honey and almond, and Kuroo’s arms tightened around his lover’s shoulders. This guy was all his.

“How was your shower?” Kuroo asked, his hands stroking Kageyama’s back, fingers pressing into the dimples at the bottom of Kageyama’s spine. With a small sigh Kageyama leaned into his boyfriend’s body, loving the way Kuroo’s fingers knew exactly where to dig.

“It was pleasant,” Kageyama replied, his fingers lazily skimming the waistband of Kuroo’s jeans. “How was cooking with my mother?”

Kuroo winced, and looked over Kageyama’s mother to see Mitsuki drawing a finger across her throat and mouthing ‘ _you’re dead_ ’.

Gulping, Kuroo held Kageyama close. “It was fun, baby. I had fun.”

“Good.” With a burst of confidence, Kageyama kissed one of his boyfriend’s collarbones, thinking of them as the guardians of Kuroo’s chest. Making eye contact with Kuroo, black against blue, Kageyama accepted that he wanted to be the guard to Kuroo’s heart. That dizzying scent of chocolate and cologne filled his nostrils, shocking his body into overdrive. It was all just Kuroo.

“Ahem.” Mitsuki Kageyama cleared her throat. “Save your love escapades for later, boys. Right now we need to make bacon, eggs, waffles and drinks. Tobio, you’re on tea and coffee, I’ll do waffles and eggs. Kuroo, bacon.”

“Right, got it.” Kuroo immediately scrambled to the fridge and got out two packets of bacon rashers, carrying them over to the countertop and ripping them open. Kageyama’s mother brought over waffles and eggs, quickly getting out the frying pans and an oven tray. Kageyama made the coffee easily, dumping the entire bottle of milk into three separate mugs.

“Well done, baby,” Mitsuki Kageyama smiled, ruffling her child’s hair. Her head spun around to face Kuroo as she loudly said, “ _That_ is a whole load of milk. I can see that you actually have brains!”

Kuroo sobbed quietly as he dropped the bacon into the frying pan.

After a few minutes, the kitchen atmosphere was fine. Kuroo was frying bacon and screaming every time the rashers jumped in the pan. Tears were building up in the corners of his eyes as he smacked the bacon, crying for Mitsuki’s help.

Mitsuki Kageyama was on a roll. The waffles were turning golden brown in the oven and the eggs were perfectly cooked – Kuroo’s was slightly runny, Kageyama’s was completely cooked and hers was runny.

Kageyama had been sitting on the kitchen table swinging his legs and watching Kuroo as he worked. He knew he would love Kuroo forever, with his large, slightly-rough hands and his dark, honest eyes. The love that Kuroo felt for him warmed him to his very core, and he knew that he would be safe and sound as long as Kuroo was by his side.

“Baby?”

Kageyama felt a hand glide along the smooth skin of his calves, where it gripped under his knee and pulled him forward. Kuroo placed his hands on Kageyama’s waist and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Time for breakfast, come on.”

 

* * *

 

Breakfast was pleasant and rather fun. Mitsuki smiled gently at Kuroo and Kageyama’s interactions, laughing as Kuroo tried to feed her son. The food was delectable and tasted amazing, with the exception of Kuroo’s slimy, slightly sloppy bacon.

“So, boys, what’s the plan for today?” Mrs. Kageyama asked the pair, scooping more bacon onto everyone’s plates. “Anything fun?”

Kuroo stuck three rashers into his mouth at once. “I was thinking of taking Kageyama to see a volleyball club I know. Volleyball is really fun.”

“Volleyball?” Kageyama asked.

Kuroo nodded. “Volleyball, yeah. I was a captain back in high school, remember? So trust me on this. Volleyball is perfect for you.”

Mrs. Kageyama felt something in her heart churn at the way Kuroo’s eyes connected with Kageyama’s, his expression raw and pained at the thought of even pushing his boyfriend away with his suggestion.

But Kageyama just reached for Kuroo’s hand, gentle fingers grabbing. “Sure,” he said. “Let me go and get my shoes.”

Mitsuki Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief.

 

* * *

 

 

 The volleyball place that Kuroo suggested was off of a country lane, in what looked like an abandoned gym. The outside walls were covered in graffiti and scribbled drawings, and an old wooden rack of shoes stood outside. It was a hot day, and the blue skies and golden sun had drained all of Kageyama’s energy on the walk to the bus stop. Kuroo, on the other hand, was eccentric and hyper as usual, swinging Kageyama’s sweaty hand in his own.

“I hope that everyone on your new team is really nice! This is where I played against a school a couple years ago, when I was seventeen. We beat them, but they were so great. I guess we were just that strong. Anyway, I just remember this place as being so nice and fun to practice in. Sorry I couldn’t take you to Nekoma’s gym, because Nekoma’s gym was the best, but I think this is good enough. And we’re here!”

Kuroo pulled open the door to the gym with a flourish, and gestured for Kageyama to step inside, while he checked the time on his phone. Kageyama quickly went inside, and his eyes widened at the sight that he saw.

Hinata, jumping up to spike a ball, the sun shining on his hair like a halo, eyes screwed shut in concentration as he readied his hand.

Kageyama felt his breath catch in his lungs. Sugawara was setting the ball for Hinata, arms raised high. Asahi was off to the side of the court talking to the guy with the platinum flick in his hair, and the bald guy had his shirt off yet again, lying in a patch of sunlight. Tsukishima and a gangly freckled guy were picking up stray balls from the floor, and Sawamura and a pretty young girl with dark hair and glasses were looking over some sheets on a clipboard.

This was Hinata’s territory, not his.

 

* * *

 

Kageyama quickly tried pushing past Kuroo to make his escape before they were noticed, but he had never really been all that lucky.

“Hey! You! You alright?”

Within seconds, the guy with the platinum flick in his hair had come over. He ran a hand through his hair confidently as he stood in front of Kageyama, regardless of his height. His volleyball uniform was mainly orange, and it worked wonders against his pale skin. Only this guy could pull off such a weird hairstyle too, he thought. And then Kageyama looked at his rooster-headed boyfriend, and rolled his eyes.

He looked alright.

“Hey, you okay? Do you play volleyball, or did you come to watch?”

Kageyama just looked at the boy in front of him, his mouth drying up. “I…I just…”

“He wants to learn how to play,” Kuroo interjected smoothly, extending a hand outwards. “Hello. I brought him here so he could learn.”

“Wait…” The guy’s eyes narrowed. “I have definitely seen you somewhere before. That hairstyle, the height, the confidence…you wouldn’t happen to be the very same Kuroo Tetsurou that led Nekoma to victory in the nationals a few years ago?”

“That’s me.” Kuroo smiled.

The guy had immediately jumped on Kuroo, screaming in delight. “Oh my God! I’ve watched all of your games! I have them all recorded! You were _amazing_! Seriously, the way you played was just brilliant! You’re, like, a _legend_!”

“Ah, really?” Kuroo scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

Kageyama was floored. Kuroo hadn’t said anything about being that good at volleyball! To think he had won at _nationals_! Kageyama had no idea about volleyball, but judging by the twinkling in this guy’s eyes, his boyfriend was something special.

“I’m Nishinoya,” the platinum-flick guy sobbed, clinging to Kuroo’s body. “I’m, like, your biggest fan! You’re so cool! Your _thighs_ in those shorts, man _oh my God_. And I can’t believe you turned down the national team! Why on earth did you do that? I’ve always wanted to know the answer! You really could have won medals at the Olympics!”

Kuroo patted Nishinoya’s shoulder gratefully. “Thank you, Nishinoya. I actually had to stop playing volleyball because I injured my knee. Overtraining. So I had to stop playing volleyball, but I still love it.”

“What do you do now?” Nishinoya asked. “Something with sports?”

“Um, not really,” Kuroo said. “I’m a police officer. And my free time goes on this one.” He gestured towards Kageyama, who was hiding behind his body. “My boyfriend."

Nishinoya grinned happily at Kageyama. “Hey! Nishinoya Yuu, nice to meet you. Now that you mention it, I’ve seen you around school, right? You’re Hinata’s best friend.”

Kageyama nodded, poking out from behind Kuroo’s back, heart pounding. “Uh, yes. I’m a first year.”

“I'm in my second year.” Nishinoya held out a hand to shake Kageyama’s. “If you’d like to join the team, then let’s go sign you up with Daichi and Kiyoko.”

“I-I don’t know-” Kageyama stuttered.

“What’s going on over here?” Sawamura.

“Oh, is it a new member?” Asahi.

“Please give me your name and details.” Kiyoko.

“Psht. I wonder who it is. Bet they suck.” Tsukishima.

“Tsukki, of course they’ll suck. They aren’t you.” Gangly freckles.

“Welcome to the Karasuno Volleyball Club! Have you eaten yet, honey?” Sugawara.

“I’ll rip my shirt off. I’ll rip yours off. I’ll kick my own ass.” Bald shirtless guy.

“Hey! I’m Hinata! Nice to meet you!”

It was as if the crowd had parted.

All he saw was sunshine, fire and intense longing. Hinata’s shining eyes and cheerful smile, pale skin and thin wrists. Elegant hands, palms red from hours of practice. A slim, pretty figure under a loose white t-shirt and short white shorts. Smooth, hairless thighs and slightly toned calves, strong yet fragile ankles leading down into slightly scuffed volleyball shoes.

His years of love, his first love, his best and worst moments on the earth.

That now plastic, fake expression greeted him with an artificial twinkle in those eyes. “Hey, Kageyama! Haven’t seen you in forever, not since you got so busy with your studies. Are you joining the volleyball team?”

Ah. Clearly, Hinata had told his new friends some massive lies. He had pretended that Kageyama was the one who had pushed him away, with excuses of studying, rather than telling them the bitter truth.

“Well, you know how calculus is,” Kageyama got out through gritted teeth. “It’s a puzzle.”

“I agree.” Hinata laughed. The gym had suddenly become really awkward, and the silence was deafening. Kuroo’s hand found a place on Kageyama’s shoulder, and he was very grateful for the reassurance.

Sugawara stepped forward and wrapped two heavenly arms around Kageyama, while aiming a kind smile at Kuroo. “Hello, Kageyama. I’m Sugawara Koushi, Vice-Captain of the Karasuno Volleyball Club. You’ll have a lot of fun playing here.”

“You definitely will.” Sawamura had come forward and placed a hand on Koushi’s hip. Koushi fell against his chest, a blissful smile on his face. “Sawamura Daichi, Captain.” He extended a hand, and Kageyama and Kuroo shook it dutifully. “The Karasuno Volleyball Club is full of a variety of colourful characters, and I’m sure that we will show you the best kind of volleyball around.”

Kuroo must have made a weird face, because Sawamura began to laugh. “Of course, Mr. Kuroo would find that debatable. Nekoma were definitely the best players in your time, but now, it’s Karasuno. With that being said, I have watched all of your games and your skill is breathtaking. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Kuroo.”

Sugawara nodded excitedly from his place in Sawamura’s arms. “We’ve seen everything you’ve ever done. Our Hinata idolizes you, he’s watched all of your plays and he has your newspaper articles in a scrapbook. He must be really happy right now!”

Kageyama was shocked, to his very core. Hinata was the best actor he had ever seen. Acting as though he hated Kuroo, when in reality Hinata admired Kuroo terribly. He must have been livid to see his ex-best friend dating his idol, and Kageyama could honestly say that he would never be capable of acting like he hated the person he admired.

Kuroo just laughed happily, his acting on par with Hinata's. “Well, come on, there’s no need to be so formal,” he said, waving a hand in the air. “Please just call me Kuroo. And thank you everyone!”

“I promise you we’ll treat Kageyama very well,” Sugawara smiled. “And you’re welcome to watch a few practices whenever you want. Give us some pointers, too! You’re a legend, y’know!”

After a few more compliments and questions, Kuroo pressed a sincere kiss to Kageyama’s lips and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’ve got to go now, baby. But have fun playing volleyball, and text me whenever. I love you, and stay strong.” His eyes cut to Hinata, who was now clinging to Tsukishima. “Spike his ass into the ground.”

Kageyama promised he would.

 

* * *

 

Kageyama’s first volleyball practice was, undeniably, fun. Nishinoya was literally the best person ever and always encouraged him, teaching him new moves and giving him talks around what the different players did. Kageyama liked him a lot and decided that Nishinoya was probably his favourite person on the team. Sugawara and Daichi were tied second favourites, and their oddly parental vibes were so comforting that Kageyama really didn’t care when he messed up. The bald guy, Tanaka Ryunnosuke, was his third favourite, and he was a total party boy with a thousand pick-up lines and a 0% success rate in flirting.                                                                  

Obviously, Kageyama didn’t like Hinata, no matter how much of a good player he was. The freckly guy, who was called Yamaguchi, was just plain weird and would be satisfied picking lint off of Tsukishima’s clothing. Tsukishima himself was a glorified zucchini and Kageyama disliked him too. Asahi was very quiet and just played his best, blending in to the background. Kiyoko, the manager of the club, just sat on the sidelines and listened to her K-Pop albums. Kageyama had asked her what she was listening to, but she just tried to right-hook him for talking during Baekhyun’s high note in “ _Unfair_ ”.

Whatever, girls were weird.

Sawamura and Nishinoya had decided that it would be best to train Kageyama as a setter. Kageyama would be setting for Tanaka, while Sugawara, the other setter, set for Hinata. While he was still below the others in skill, Kageyama was a very fast learner, and by the end of his first practice everyone else was amazed. Even Asahi quietly praised him with a pat on the back.

“You actually bang at this,” Nishinoya laughed, jumping onto Kageyama’s back. “Sit with us at lunch on Monday. I’ll save you a seat.”

“You don’t have to,” Kageyama began, but Sugawara closed his mouth.

“Save it, you’re sitting with us, Kageyama. You’re a member of your team now. Take a break from your studies, Hinata says you study too hard. You need to spend time with people, that’s what school is about.”Kageyama saw Hinata stiffen out of the corner of his eye.

Kageyama nodded, resigned. “See you Monday, and thank you everyone. I am happy.”

Hinata huffed and grabbed Tsukishima's hand, pulling him out of the gym.

“And I am glad.” Nishinoya hugged him tightly.

 

* * *

 

After making the bus journey home with Tanaka, who lived only a couple of streets away, Kageyama was bone tired. He answered his mother’s questions as he came through the door, the evening breeze cooling the sweat on his skin. He made his way up to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed, muscles stretched and hot from hours of setting, spiking and running.

Just before he fell asleep, he saw Nishinoya’s platinum flick, saw Koushi’s milky white skin, Sawamura’s charismatic smile, Asahi’s silent gestures, Tanaka’s hand raised in farewell at the bus stop, Kiyoko’s starred gaze as she thought of EXO, and Hinata's elegant jump, like a wingless angel.

But he never saw Kuroo.

 


End file.
